Catharsis [Tom Riddle]

Chapter Forty-Six

 Tom sat at his desk, head buried in a book about Merlin-knows-what. He couldn't focus, which only angered him more.

Though, admittedly, it was no mystery why he couldn't focus... he hadn't been sleeping at all. How could he? His bed felt empty without her beside him.

Every single moment of every single day was spent wanting to run to her and fix this disaster. But, he had to remind himself of why he couldn't.

He would never be what she needed.

Even if he wanted to, it was too late. He was already too far along his path to damnation to ever drag her along with him. He had committed too many sins, tarnished his soul beyond repair, and committed himself to a future filled with all the things he wanted to keep her far away from.

It was too fucking late.

He had already done what he did best: hurt her. That's all he ever really did... hurt people. And she had been no different. But, this was the first time in his entire goddamn life when hurting someone else inflicted the same type of pain on him.

It haunted him. It haunted him thinking about what they had... what they had lost. He knew that the story of their 'almost' would live within him, taunting him for the rest of his life.

He thought about what Adonis had said.

'You're in love with her.'

Tom had experienced pain in many forms throughout his life, but nothing had ever compared to this. Nothing had ever compared to the way he felt his heart rip at its seams And if this is what 'love' was-- this feeling of drowning with your head still above water-- then he didn't want it.

He just needed to avoid her for a little longer. Try and clear his mind while the pain of losing her subsided. He needed to...

The door burst open and in stormed Avalon.

"I'm here to talk," she declared, crossing her arms after slamming the door behind her.

"I told you I have nothing to say to you," he said, sighing.

"And I am telling you that I don't care," she retorted, staring him down. The look in her eyes was something that he had seen on many occasions before. She was no longer blinded by her heartbreak, she was not weakened by her shock... Avalon had come ready for a fight.

They looked at each other for a moment, neither one wanting to speak. There was an odd aura in the room. They did not greet each other as lovers, nor friends, or even enemies-- but rather strangers who shared far too many memories with one another.

She noticed how many books and papers were scattered along his floor, atop his bed, around his desk... how his hollow eyes looked as tired as her own... how despite everything he had said to her, she still felt her heart tug at how miserable he looked.

She knew that she loved him because it didn't matter to her how many times he had broken her heart, she still didn't hate him.

"Do you have any idea what you have put me through these past few days?" she asked, keeping her voice as cold as she could. "Why do you think you have the right to treat me this way? You don't get to act the way you did-- as if you cared for me-- and then wake up and decide to be someone entirely different. I want to know what changed."

"Why can't you get it through your head that I do not want you," he said, his tone equally chilling. But, still, she met his gaze unafraid and unaffected.

"Because I see through your goddamn bullshit," she said, narrowing her eyes on him. "You've done this to me before, Tom. Remember? After the first time you and I slept together." She shook her head, running a hand through her hair as she tried to calm herself down. "I thought we were finally past this. I won't fall for it-- tell me what actually happened."