miami

eighteen.

chapter eighteen

"MOM TELLS ME THERE'S a guy," Chris finally broaches more than halfway into the drive. He's watching her in the rearview mirror, dark eyes slightly narrowed. Irena is already rolling her eyes.

"Since when did you talk to Mom that much?" She groans, not ready for the whole 'boyfriend?' conversation again. Damon is already chuckling from the passenger seat. This has happened before, though with less of the 'we're adults now' implications.

"Since you decided to be a wild card and spend the night at a random guy's house over Christmas. And since you've been posting cryptic things on your Instagram and Snapchat."

"What the hell is 'cryptic' supposed to mean?"

"That you haven't told us anything about him. The last time there was a boy involved you were all over us for help."

"Yeah, and I was sixteen," Irena rolls her eyes. "Ever think that four years has added on to my vast amounts of knowledge?"

"Sure, it probably has, but all the underage drinking has probably killed more than half of your braincells, so what's the use?" Damon's sharp words make her snort. He's never been one to beat around the bush.

"You're one to talk. At least I didn't join a frat...besides, I'm only a few months off of being of-age. It's not like I throw back shots every night."

"Right. See, we don't know what you do with this guy. You could be lying."

"He lives in Orlando. The most shots I'd be doing are over FaceTime. But I don't. Besides, I'd like to visit him this weekend, so I'm probably gonna leave early on Sunday."

"Wow. Miss out on bonding for some guy?"

"You'll get to meet him," she teases. Damon glances at his older brother. Irena can only imagine the silent thoughts flying between them. She'd swear they were the set of twins -- their communication was freaky sometimes.

"Is he good enough for you?" Chris, ever the more serious brother, has brought out his sincere tone. It's something she hasn't heard often before...once when another boy dumped her over text and the other when they sold her grandmother's house. Irena chews her lip, thinking about all the doubts she's had.

"He is...I'm just worried I'm not good enough for him. Feels like I'm a distraction, you know?" Her mind is rolling over the barren YouTube pages, the Twitch channel. All without any sign of life for weeks on end. She thinks about the late nights where they fall asleep on the phone, and it's only when he thinks she's gone to sleep that he sits up and moves to his computer. He'll stare at the monitors until the sun comes up. Scrolling endlessly until his breath is ragged from overthinking. He goes through a lot more than he tells her or George.

"Distraction to what?"

"His work. It's pretty important."

"If he likes you, he'll make time for you."

"That's what I mean. He's making too much time." February was the month Clay was supposed to put out new content every week. However, each Sunday came and he hadn't filmed anything new. There was a manhunt posted, but that had been filmed more than a month prior. Irena feels like she's doing something wrong each moment that passes where Clay neglects his career.

"I'm sure it's fine. If he's an adult, he'll know how to balance his life."

"I guess," Irena hesitates. She loves Clay, she really does, but she worries. He has role models all over, but at the same time he's in a completely different world. It feels like an endless cycle of Twitter threads and anxiety. "I'm sure we'll figure it out. I'm gonna quit my own job, anyway."

"Jesus, I...really?" Chris asks slowly, eyeing her even sharper. "Why?"

"Yeah. Boss is shit. I just need to find something else to do. God, why does life have to be so annoying?" She groans, pushing back in her seat. "Money money money. I hate it."

"Don't tell me you want to run off and be a hippie," Damon pokes. He's joking, but Irena pauses.

"Now that you say that..."

"Nope. Been there, done that." It's true. Damon dropped out of college for a year just to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. He came back tanned, skinny, and with enough wilderness remaining to make Irena just a little bit afraid of her older brother. He's more tame now after several years of working in law firms, but she wouldn't discredit disappearing in the same way. Glow up at just the right time.

"Why do you like him?" Chris circles the conversation back to Clay. Irena's mouth quirks as he immediately floods into her mind. The idea of him permeates every corner of her brain until her eyes are misty and her heart feels like it's going to burst.

"He's awesome, Chris. Beyond smart. He cares. A lot. About everything. Like he's super in-tune with what I'm feeling. In a good way, you know? He's generous to his friends, he notices everything and makes notes on it. And he's hilarious. Just his laugh alone makes me happy. He listens and—"

"Aaaughhhh!" Damon groans, slapping his hands over his ears. "Enoughhh. I can't take it anymore. Make her stop Chris. It's like sophomore year all over again."

Chris ignores his brother. His eyes flicker back to the mirror yet again. "He sounds like a good guy. I'm happy. Still doesn't mean I won't beat his punk ass up if he messes with you."

"Tell him that yourself," Irena laughs. Chris isn't exactly intimidating, that's more of Damon's role, but that doesn't stop the fact they'll be meeting him in a few days time. "Ok, ok, enough of my life love. How's Tristen?"

"Aw, Tris is great!" Chris melts. He'll talk about his girlfriend for the rest of the ride. He's done it before without any issues. Irena doesn't mind. They're cute, really. Dating on and off since seventh grade. Now they live together in Oregon with three cats and a small dog. She always likes hearing the trivial stories of their day-to-day life.

She turns to the window, partially zoning out Chris's voice. Damon's music is bleeding into the air, beat rattling through her skull. It bounces with the car as they fly down the interstate. And she's only partially there. The rest of her is miles and days ahead, to Sunday afternoon, where she finally gets to see him.