Fucked Up Gallagher (Book Two)

Chapter seven

TW:

I stayed in bed for the next two days. Enzo scared everyone away from dealing to me. I had shit to get drunk or high off. I know what a depressive episode is, and this is one of them. I reach for my phone and click Mickeys contact, It rings, and rings. he's locked up. My body is itching to do something and the thoughts are too loud in my skull. I call Ian, hoping he'll understand the emergency at hand. "Ian?" I say when someone answers. "No, this is his co-worker, Ian's out right now. What's up?" 
"oh," I'm fucking up his workday. "No, nothing, just wanted to say hi." I hand up on her before she can respond. Lip is dealing with his own shit, Carl cut off his dick and is in pain, Fionas at work, Debbie is with Franny. I laugh to myself. The last time this happened Monica had just left. My head throbbed, my eyes hurt. Your family left you alone, again. I told myself. If you run off you'll just end up back here making everyone feel sorry. I clutch my head and roll back onto the bed. STOP THINKING I cry out. I must have made a noise because Debbie comes in. "You okay." I roll away from her. "ill call Fiona." She tells me when it hits her what's probably happening. I groan. "Not Fiona. Just leave." She doesn't leave. "Ian must know what to do, Want me to get him." I don't answer. She pulls her phone out and I hear it turn on. I grab it and throw it at the wall. "No fucking calling anyone I'm fucking fine." You're not fucking fine. I feel tears slip from my eyes. "Amanda," Debbie says, sitting next to me. She doesn't talk, I don't roll to face her. But she sits there for an hour, till Franny cries. "I'm going to get weed," I say, breaking the silence. I don't move till much later. I hear lip get home, so It's around Five. I find the will to pull myself out of bed and walk down the hall. Lip tries to talk to me but I walk past him. Don't waste his time making him talk to you. 

I walk under the bridge to find someone selling but no ones there. Drugs aren't going to help. My brain tells me. Fuck it. I curl up in a tight ball and fall asleep under the bridge. I wake up a few times during the night, but my body is too tired to sit up so I eventually fall back asleep. My phone going off wakes me. 100+ calls   100+texts

20 calls-Fiona
50 calls-Ian
9 calls-Lip
20 Calls-Enzo

1 call- State prison

 I click voicemail, "Hey its Fiona, We had dinner a few minutes ago, Lip said you went for a walk, call us back"
"It's Lip, I saw you leave and I should have stopped you. Come back home." I keep flipping through. "Amanda, Where are you. I just got off work we need to talk, I think Calebs cheating on me."
"Amanda, I called as soon as Fiona called me. Two days? You've been gone two days. Come visit when you get back, be safe."

I've been gone two days!?  I look at the date on my almost dead phone and sure enough, two days have passed. I said I wasn't gonna be like Frank or Monica. I left them again. I can't be here. My body hurts when I sit up. I'm an asshole. I try pushing down the thoughts. You should just go to the building, no one needs you. No job, no friends, no real family. You break everything and everyone. I get up and walk. I walk like I'm on a mission. My brain doesn't know where I'm going, but my legs do. Three streets over, Two streets up, down the block, to the water and up the latter.  I look to see my phone buzzing, and at 5%. Its Lip. "Hi," I say weakly. "Amanda where are you? Are you okay." I start crying. "Amanda, are you crying?" I don't answer, I nod even though he can't see it. "Tell me where you are and I'll come to get you." He's going to find me. "NO, Don't come. Please. I need to-" I hear a very quiet. "Debbie, get Fiona quick, Tell her to call 911." He unmuffles the phone. "Amanda, we miss you come on. Where did you go." 
"You guys don't need me here." I struggle out the words, sobbing uncontrollably. I sit myself overlooking the water on the tenth floor. "What do you see Amanda, alteast tell me that." Lip tries to keep me talking. "My phones at three," I tell him. "Amanda, don't hang up. where are you?" He sounds panicked. "The water, I'm looking at the waves above the city. I like watching the firetrucks pull in and out." My voice scares me, it's calm. Almost as if I wasn't sobbing a few seconds ago. "Go to the station, Ians working. He'll love to see-" My phone cuts him off. 0% 

I hear the ambulances and cop cars circling around me. I laugh, the water and a building is all they know about where I am. I lay down on the building, looking at the sky. So, so blue. I stand up so I can see the blue of the ocean. I dangle one foot off and wobble on the edge. Only a month ago we threw frank into water. I smile. What family tries to kill their own dad? I must have been starring off for too long because a crowd gathered to my side below the building. I don't care, go ahead and call. I'm enjoying my view. Tears form in my eyes. My last sunset. I think when I see the pink and blue mix in the sky. 

"Amanda Gallagher," I hear a voice say. I turn to see a firefighter, cop, and EMT. "Step away from the side of the building." NO, NO, NO, NO, NONONONONONO. They cant reach me in time. I walk back to the edge. "AMANDA!" I hear Ian yell. I watch as his orange hair pops out from the fire escape. "Ian, you shouldn't be here." The other EMT says. "That's my little sister."

He walks dangerously close to me, I step back till I feel myself wobble on the edge. "Please Ian, Go home. I just need rest." My eyes flick to the water below. "that isn't rest Amanda, You know that."
"I'm okay," I tell Ian. I look down again. If I move over just another foot and then fall back ill land in the blue water as I want. I turn to run but feel myself get pushed onto the concrete of the building. Ian's body is on top of mine pressing me down. "GET OFF ME!" I scream at him as I thrash around. He goes to grab me but misses and I pull away. His hand grabs my arm last minute and it throws me against the lip on the side of the building. My vision gets blurred and then my eyes shut down.