and Venus was her name

4. Impression, Reputations and the red clan

If teardrops could be bottled. There'd be swimming pools filled by models - Billie Eilish [idontwannabeyouanymore]

The beautiful melody coming from the radio was truly overwhelming. Of course, it was quite old music, release a few centuries ago, but who said old means bad? Especially now in this post-apocalyptic world, where everything was shattered into pieces and love was a weirdly concept that I forgot about, the good old times where beautiful and full of nostalgia. I didn't only like the song because of its charming melody, but also because I related to the lyrics. I dint know, how Billie felt while writing this, but I think I could relate to her. I also hate myself. For everything. For everything what I did. I can't believe, it was me who betrayed everyone, it was me who let Ava Paige experiment on Minho, it was me who did it. It was me who let Newt die... I still can't forgive myself, even after 6 years' worth of tears, I still can't, and it feels impossible. I also don't want to be myself anymore.

***

Maybe if you live in the places like Safe Haven, you care about if you like the person you're working with, or not. But here we didn't, we never did. In the ruins of the last city, or WCKD city, call however you want it, we never did. The only things that counted were if they could survive, and bring others with them. If they could safe you. No one took credits here, no one was emotionally attached to someone. At least people tried to, because before you knew the person has become a crank, died, moved to a safer place, or something that will you two separate for always. And Alisha tried also to not attach herself to the new girl. Teresa. Teresa was always quiet, always did the most hard work, always willing sacrifice her time that was meant to herself, to other things. Once she was awake for almost a week because she always volunteered to be on guard, until someone noticed that.

She was kind, selfless and had a magical smile that always blighted the day a bit up. But that wasn't everything about Teresa. She had that kind of vibe that was like she was sorry, no, not for herself, for someone else Alisha didn't know about. Maybe someone died she knew, and she blamed herself? Also everyone knew about each other's past. Tatiana was born in the ruins of Calgary, she had spent almost all her life here, in the red clan. Finn was born in the red clan, together with his brother Dylan. Mariya was from Japan, and moved with her family after the flash in Kyoto. Then she came to America where she found the red clan after losing her mom and dad, due to the Flare. She only had her sister Yuki, who was a toddler. Basically, everyone knew where the others came from, who they were, who they are...Teresa, on the other hand, was quiet about her past, like she didn't want to mention it. Like she was afraid of it... She was afraid of the version of her in the past, maybe the choices she has made? Maybe the people she has lost or couldn't protect? Or maybe the people she has killed?

Now, killing, murdering someone wasn't the worst thing you could do in this world. Maybe in the early 2000s it was. And even in 2400 it was. But today, that wasn't the case. Yeah, you murdered someone? Now what? Cry on the floor until you become a stupid crank and kill more people? People didn't care, not because life isn't precious, but because they have done it too, everyone has, if you wanted to stay alive. No, they weren't proud of it, of course, but in their defense, it had to be done. The world has changed. Now, being old, having wrinkles, grey hair, didn't mean you have gone crazy (even if you did) or you are unable to walk or helpless, it means you are a survivor, it means you know about life and stuff. It means you can help. It means that you have gone through something, and you didn't die. Now, in this world when you had golden bracelets, didn't made you any kind of richer. Yeah, gold is shiny, so are diamonds...so are bones. Gold is something people didn't care about anymore. Maybe you can sell it on the black market, for a couple of dollars. Gold, diamonds, luxury like that, it was useless. It couldn't help people to get the cure for whatever sickness they had, it wasn't drinkable, and it couldn't feed a mouth.

And what is the purpose of it anyway? When the world wasn't in the apocalypse, it had one very important job: impression and reputation. But what are those exactly things exactly? Impression is when you enter a room full of people, and they already assume something about you. Maybe it's wrong, but that is what impression does. You come into a room, being in a dress from the mental hospital, what are they going to assume? That you're a business man or woman? Reputation is what people think of you when you haven't even entered the room. Imagine a couple of detectives have an unsolved case. You – Sherlock Holmes are coming to visit them. What is the reputation? That you, are going to solve it, in just a look at the details.

"And ah, it's all coming together!"

Teresa did too, make an impression and a reputation. Her impression was that she was quiet and full of grief.

Her reputation was that she will safe everyone's asses and then cry, because she couldn't do the same thing with her friends. And if there was a chance she could help them, she will take it.