imprisonment

Chapter 34; D

His mind was laced with her words.

"Draco, I'm falling for you."

They weaved through his brain, strangling him with their impact. When she told him that it felt like he had just been shot in the chest. He tried to remain calm and not show her how it made him feel. He pulled her close and pretended he never heard her say it.

That night she fell asleep in his arms and he laid awake staring at the ceiling. He counted the ridges above him, trying to distract himself from his own feelings. It felt like she had reached inside and ripped his heart out with her bare hands. He didn't know how to reciprocate love. He didn't even know how to feel love for another person.

He was sure what he felt Hermione was damn close to it though.

He rubbed his hands through his hair, trying to think of what to do. He was fucking terrified of telling her he felt the same way. Love came with expectations that he didn't know if he could meet. He was so used to everyone expecting the worst out of him that now she didn't he was constantly afraid of fucking up.

He tried so hard to be good for her. But he knew he was wrong. He knew he was damning her for eternity every time he let his lips touch hers. With every touch, he ruined her more. She was the golden girl of the war and he was the epitome of wicked.

He spent all night trying to untangle his thoughts and decipher what to do.

The next morning, she woke up beside him, she wrapped her arms around him without a care in the world. It was slightly concerning how easy she could allow herself to be with him. It was like she had no self-preservation.

Her smile soon faded as she noticed the look on his face. "What's wrong?" She asked him with a worried look on her face.

He took a long breath in. He wished he could say everything on his mind, but he just felt numb inside. "We need to talk," he said in a low voice that was barely audible. His chest burned with anxiety.

"Is everything okay?" Her eyes looked up to his and her voice was wavering. He could see how nervous she was, her leg bounced up in down with anticipation of what he was to say next.

"Hermione you can't fall for me." He knew she would be better off without him. She couldn't love him, as much he wanted her too. He knew it was selfish to take her love when he didn't deserve it.

"Draco—" she said trying to interrupt him. She reached out to him, trying to make him understand but he didn't want to.

"Hermione I'm serious we can't—" he began to say. His heart thumped out of his chest and it pained him to tell her this. He could barely finish his sentence before she interrupted him.

"I love you okay. Ever since I stepped foot in here, I have been trying my hardest not to, but I have fallen for you." Her voice was strong and certain causing him to lose focus on his train of thought. He hadn't expected this declaration and it caught him off guard.  He was overcome with emotion hitting him like a brick. He felt his brain swirl in his head, leaving him dizzy.

It was like the first time he had accidentally got into Hermione's time but this time it was worse. She was so vulnerable exposing her feelings for him that it gave way for him to use legilimency on her without meaning to. Draco could hear echos of thoughts, Hermione's thoughts, that bounced through his mind. They pierced his ears, causing him to raise his hands to his head.

Remember the plan.

Make him fall in love with you so you can escape.

You're just using him.

None of it is real.

Her thoughts stabbed at his mind like an assault on him. He heard them clear as day like they were being said to him. After a few moments, he regained consciousness. The room seemed fuzzy around him and he looked in distress. It took a few moments to process.

She had faked her feelings for him the entire time.

"What the fuck is wrong with you," he screamed out, so loud Hermione started the shake. His chest burned like a wildfire and it felt like there was a hole in his chest. He couldn't wrap his mind around it all.

She never loved him. She was just using him the whole time to escape. He didn't deserve love like he thought. He hadn't been enough, she just manipulated him. He felt like someone had just died and he struggled to find the words to say. He knew he had the same plan she did, but it fucking killed him. He started to dissociate and felt like he couldn't grasp reality anymore.

"What did I do—" Hermione started to say. It was muffled and he started to shake. It felt like everything was foggy around him.

"Yeah play dumb," he said in a sharp voice. Something turned cold inside him causing him to revert back to his old self who had no regard for others. He was tired of trying to be enough for her.

"Draco I—"

"Don't fucking call me that anymore. You don't get to say my name," he said getting up from his spot. He clenched his first in order to keep himself from hitting it against the stone wall. He had a pit in his throat and tears threatening to escape. He tried to occlude and push his anger away but failed.

"Hey—what the fuck is going on. Talk to me," Hermione stood up walking towards him.  She was filled with confusion and looked at him with a concerned expression. He didn't want to hear what she had to say though.

"You," he said getting in her face, his breath puffing against her face. "You are a liar Granger. I just heard your thoughts. 'It's all just part of your plan huh?'"

"You don't understand, let me explain—" her voice cracked. He could tell he scared her, which hurt a part of him. He pushed that part away that felt empathy for her and continued to speak.

"No, I don't need to hear anything else from you because guess what—I had the same damn plan. I can't believe I was going to tell you that I loved you too. I'm glad I saved myself the regret," he said pacing back and forth. He was filled to the brim with rage.

He buried those three words deep.

Hermione started to walk towards him. She placed her hand on his shoulder and began to speak, "Fuck, Draco please just hear me out."

"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT," he turned around screaming in her face. He was inches from her and she stumbled backward, sitting back on the bed. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but couldn't stop.

"It started like that, but I fell for you, please—" she said with her head in her hands. Part of him wanted to wrap her in his arms and forget everything but he couldn't.

"I can't believe you, Granger," he said in a low voice. He was falling for her and he hated it.

"Malfoy—" that name stung. It was the name associated with all of his mistakes. It held the weight of all his sins. It was what she called him when she hated him. Maybe it was better that way.

He was numb. He wanted to just turn off all his emotions and bury them as deep as the sea. Draco was tired of caring and getting hurt in the process. He got up to walk out of the room and into his.

"No. You meant nothing to me either. It was all part of my plan to use you to escape. I was wrong saying I don't deserve you. Maybe we are perfect for each other—you're just as fucked up as me." The words left his mouth with a wicked tone; the wicked tone that Hermione used to know so well.

A/N

The new update scheduled will be Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays/Sundays. This means I will post either Sat. or Sun. or maybe both days depending on if I can or not.