Asleep

8 There Was No Before

Nora~~

We don't have any difficulties following the directions Marcella gave Radia to reach her apartment. The street signs are all visibly placed, and we don't have to make any turns.

         "You really remember nothing?" Radia asks as we pass a food cart, the scent of spice heavy in the air.

         "Only a few things. And none are memories."

         She chews on her lip, looking at me for a moment before peeling her gaze away. Whatever they land on causes her to stop in the middle of the sidewalk. A woman side steps around her with a grumble.

         Radia doesn't move.

         I place a hesitant hand on her shoulder as I try to follow her line of sight, but in the possible lines there are three businesses, two cars, and clusters of people. I drop my hand.

         She releases a breath, and her hand slips down and grasps mine.

         "Let's go," she says and tugs me forward.

         Three blocks later, she releases my hand to peer down at the map, a little too intently. That look she had, the sound of that breath . . . there was recognition there.

         "What did you see?"

         Eyes flicking between the paper and the street signs, she shrugs. "I just thought I saw something." She starts walking, continuing straight down the sidewalk as if there was never any confusion for her about which way to go.

         Keeping pace with her, I want to press her for more information, but she's clearly not ready to speak about it.

         After one more block she turns to the cross street and points. A white skyscraper rises into the sky as if it were crystal in a cavern, reflecting pinks and greens that seem to shimmer in the air around it.

         Radia folds up the map. "I don't remember much, but I know living in a place like that shouldn't be free."

         Once we're inside the building, Radia collects her key from the front desk before we board an elevator and ride it to her floor.

         To the left and right, doors line the hallways and after she consults a numbered sign in front of us, she leads us to the right.

         There's a sense of familiarity here. I've been in an apartment building before or a . . . hotel. A hotel is like this. But what was I doing in those places? Why are they only facts in my head and not memories?

         Radia stops in front of a door and swipes her key in front of a sensor. The door slides open revealing a dark room, but once she steps inside, light fills the small hallway we find ourselves in and spreads into a living room with white furniture. The walls behind the couches are windows that look out on Somnia. I haven't seen a clock but with the position the sun was in overhead while we were walking, I'd say it's about noon. The sun shines down onto the roofs of Somnia's buildings as if the light were rippling across a lake. I can't imagine what it's like at night when all the lights come on and turn into stars.

         Radia makes sure her door locks before throwing herself onto the longest of the two couches.

         Stars. The thought brings a smile to my lips as if my body is experiencing a memory that I'm not. I know what they are though. And I know they're spectacular. 

         "What did you think you saw?"

         She grips a throw pillow and tugs it against her chest as she stares up at the ceiling. "I thought someone might have looked familiar. But then when he caught me looking at him, he gave me such an ugly look that I knew I had made a mistake." Her fingers knead the pillow. "I just wish I could get that look of anger out of my head." She takes a deep breath, the pillow rising with her chest as she does so. "I don't know where home is, but I want to go there. I can't get rid of this feeling that this isn't permanent, that I have a somewhere else."