Fucked Up Gallagher (Book Two)

Chapter Seventeen

Carl and I were never close so it doesn't phase me when he says he leaving for school on a scholarship. In fact, I'm happy for him. "you eating breakfast?" Fiona asks me as I grab my bag. "No, I promised to help at the youth center this morning." I wave to them and leave.

I get a ride from Trevor to the center. "What are we working on today," I ask. "Um, I think you're going to be giving food and packing bags for some incoming kids." I nod. He parks in staff parking and we both walk in. "I'll start by putting out plates and silverware," I tell him. I place about fifty plates on the tables and add forks, knives, and spoons. I put out the water bottles on each plate with a napkin under it. Trevor puts out some "hello my name is_____" stickers at the tables and we high-five when it's done. "Thanks for volunteering. We don't get much help here." 
"Yeah, What next? The bags?" I ask him. "Yeah, a sticker, small flag, toothbrush, pillowcase, Hairbrush, deodorant, shampoo, and soap bar in each." I start packing them. There are about two hundred that need to be packed and sent around to different places that house the kids from the shelter. I finish packing them at one. "Shit! I have to go!" I yell to Trevor and his friends. "John?" He asks. "Don't judge me because I have a boy toy and you don't." 

Me- Hey, wanna meet up?
John-Sure, when?
Me-Nows a good time.
John- I can't do now, maybe in an hour?
Me- sure, meet you at the cafe?

He doesn't show up. I wait another hour, still nothing. 
Me- Hey we meeting?

He leaves me on read. What the fuck. I walk out of the cafe bullshit.
Kev- Some people are helping Fi clean up across from the dinner, u in?
Me- yeah, be there.
I walk to the dinner, taking forever, taking my time. I cant BELEIVE I liked him. That low life. I walk faster. He used me, a dinner date, and a fuck. I keep walking. I have no real fucking job. My best friends in prison, My families scattered.  I turn to the closest thing, the brick wall of a building, and punch it. I keep punching it, not feeling the pain surging through my fist. I let out a deep breath, punch it once more and then keep walking. 

Ian is pulling Lip off a man when I get there. "Alright, okay, it's over." Fiona calls out to Lip who tries getting away from Ians hold. "let's go, let's go. It's over." She tells the crowd. I watch the crowd clear. "Your drunk?" I say when I get close enough to Ian and Lip. "What!" Lip yells at me. "Your drunk!" Ian tells him. " Are you gonna give me shit now." Lip says turning to Ian, Pushing him aside. "if they didn't take you back, You don't fucking need'em all right!" Ian tells him. Lip grabs Ian's head and I jump back. "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOUR TALKING ABOUT!" He yells.  "Lip," I say when he pushes back from Ian. "Shut the fuck up Amanda, no one cares. Go have another episode and leave." He walks away from us. He wants me to leave. What's the expression, drunk statements are sober thoughts.

"Are you bleeding!" Ian says alarmed. "Yeah," He goes to grab my hand. "Don't touch me," I tell him pulling away. I don't need them like Lip said. I should just have another episode and leave.  "I'm fine, I don't need a god damn EMT." I grip my hand, which is throbbing now that I've come off my adrenaline high. "FUCK!" I yell. Ian just watches. I look to see Fiona and Trevor staring at me surprised. Kevin and a few others start walking over. "Like Lip said, no one cares." 
"What are you talking about!" Ian yells. "I SIT HOME ALL DAY, IM back to STEALING FUCKIN CARS. I hardly get to see everyone anymore because they have lives. Fiona owns this shithole, Lip is Lip, You're with Trevor, or at work, Debbie is with Franny and that brain-damaged dude, Carl is getting his life together and Liam is in private school." I pause. "I'm the fucked one now."
"Then get your shit together! Just cause We did doesn't give you a reason to be all pouty, we all had shit childhoods. Guess what, We got over it." That's fucking it! I turn around, swinging my right arm into Ian's stomach. He clutches himself and falls forward. He leans forward enough for me to land my knee in his face and I see blood on my jeans as I move away. "FUCK!" he yells. 
"AMANDA!" I hear Trevor yell out to me. "No, FUck Y-you!" I start walking up the street. I turn to see Fiona with her hand over her mouth. Ian staring at me with Trevor next to him and everyone else in shock. In my bag, I hear shit moving. I'm far enough up the street that they can see me and are watching but no one runs after me. I rip open my bag and how down my phone and crush it. There goes their numbers.  I grab my pill bottle and dump it out, throwing the container at Ian. My incase beer sits at the bottom of the bag. I grab it and pop it open. I stuff the cigarettes and lighter in my bag and walk off.

What was I even mad about? Yes, John fucked me over, but I think it was Lip yelling at me and Ian pretending he cares. It's the fact that Ian can live better with his bipolar shit than I can. It's the fact that my siblings are smart and pretty and have lives. Or maybe the fact that ever since I came back everyone's been doing their own thing. No more family dinners, no more fun partys.  I walk a block or two. I can hear footsteps behind me. "Whoever it is, Fuck off I'm not putting up with more shit." Someone grabs my writs. "Let me fix up your hand." I turn to see Trevor. "Shouldn't you be helping your boyfriend?" 
"you'd be surprised how many teens do this at the shelter." He starts. "Blow off steam the wrong way." He dumps a bottle of water on my hand. "You punch shit when you're mad."
"So? Will you just fuck off." I tell him. "Ian told me to go get you." I roll my eyes. "Tell him I'm visiting Mick." 
"Isn't that the one in prison, It's past visiting hours."
"Does it look like I fucking care, Go back to sucking Ian's dick boy toy." He stops trying to help me. "What did you call me." He sounds pissed."Go. To. Hell" I hear him take a deep breath. God, I hate non-violent people. "You dumped pills, grabbed a can of beer and cigarettes, and stormed off after breaking your brother's nose. There is no fucking off." I turn to him. "I've become the fuck up. I got BOTH Monica and Frank's genetics. One drinks and one mentally fucked." I yell at him. "Then stop drinking." I scoff. "That's like asking me to stop breathing."
"I'm going back to the laundromat." He says, giving up on arguing. I sit down in the ally I'm in and scrunch myself against the wall. My eyes start to close and I fall asleep.