the blind side of love | chaennie

forty-eight

Jennie looked up from the book she was reading, drawn away from the words on the page by the shouts and laughter on the other side of the plane. Hyeri and Kai stood around cheering as Lisa and Roseanne arm wrestled. For several seconds, it looked like a draw. But then Roseanne let out a loud laugh and brought Lisa's arm down. More cheering ensued, and Jennie smiled, quietly pleased by the outcome.

She watched Roseanne for a moment longer, content to sit back and let her girlfriend be the center of attention for a change. But a part of her wished that they were alone. It had been a long weekend. Filming had gone late into the night on Sunday, and she'd not seen Roseanne at all after the ride from the studio. She smiled briefly at the recollection of Lisa's curious, questioning glances. It had been a pleasant, if slightly awkward, ride.

Roseanne had told Lisa everything on Saturday. On Sunday, Roseanne had told Hyeri and Alice. And now there it was, all the details of their relationship, the truth about Jennie Kim, finally unveiled.

Jennie knew she should feel scared, perhaps worried that her best-kept secret was quickly becoming public knowledge. She'd expected to feel more concern, more panic at the sudden loss of control. But she felt ... peaceful; relieved. For the first time since she'd privately accepted that she'd never fall in love with a boy, a guy, a man, she felt ... free. For the first time in as many years, she felt like she was doing something her grandmother would be proud of.

Jisoo dropped down into the seat beside her, suddenly. "Feeling anti-social?"

"No, I just felt like reading."

"Can we talk business for a sec?"

Jennie slipped a bookmark between the pages of the book. "What's up?"

"I need to know what your plans are."

"My plans?"

"For you and Roseanne." She lowered her voice. "I think we need to have a sit-down with Wendy and outline a plan of action."

Jennie frowned, realizing this was not a conversation she wanted to be having. She turned her head and looked out into the vast, cloudless sky. Her feeling of freedom wavered. After a long moment, she said, "You know what my grandma told me the day before she died?"

"What?"

"She told me that I had to learn how to be myself, independent of the fame."

"And have you?"

Jennie sighed, turning back to Jisoo. "No, because I can't separate the two things, and apparently neither can anyone else, or you wouldn't be here asking me to discuss my personal life with my publicist." She looked away again. "I don't want to lie about who I am anymore."

Jisoo hesitated, but said, "Jennie, I get it. You're in love. And you want to shout it from the rooftops so the whole world can hear. But it's more complicated than that, and you know it. Forget, for a second, that you coming out would cause a media frenzy and potentially ruin your chances with Bridge. You tell the world that you're dating Roseanne, and the press isn't going to leave her alone. You really want her to have to deal with that this early on in your relationship? It's been, what, like four days since you guys got together?"

Jennie glanced over at Roseanne, softening at the sight of her. More than anything, she wanted to make Roseanne happy, but she didn't know how to do that while living a lie. To Jisoo, she said, "I'm not saying I want to shout it from the rooftops. I'm saying I don't want to lie anymore. Not directly. Not when I can help it. Like, no more of Kai being my boyfriend. I want it cleared up that we're just friends."

"So do you want to meet with Wendy?"

"No, but you can."

"And what should I tell her, exactly?"