all my stars | ʷᵒˡᶠˢᵗᵃʳ

[He's not leaving]

"No," Sirius relied, clenching his jaw. "Fucking 'ell Remus, I'm not gonna leave! How could I do that to you?"

He crouched in front of Remus who was sat on his bed getting way in over his head. Sirius thought he needs to push these thoughts out of his head to a far, far away place.

"Everyone always leaves," Remus couldn't meet his eyes.

"Tell me, darlin'," Sirius said and sat next to him. "Because I'm not going nowhere."

"My mum, my dad- my whole ass family," Remus laughed dryly and Sirius grabbed his hand. "All the people I've ever been with in anyway. I mean, James stayed as a friend. But you're the only one who's stayed with me, if you know what I mean. And I'm not prepared to lose that."

"Look at me," Sirius manually turned Remus' face to him, smushing his cheeks slightly. God he was so adorable. And so lovely. Sirius blurred the tear tracks with his thumb. "I love you. Why would I leave? Why in all holy and sinful would I leave?"

"Because that's what they all say - they all say they'll never leave, but they do! Sirius, they do! And eventually, you'll go too. You'll get sick of me, or you'll realise what a bloody monster I am and you'll leave me. And I'm back to square one. But I can't do that with you, you're too important," more tears leaked down Remus' face. He'd not voiced his feelings in so long and it felt good, but exhaustive. Because recalling all his emotions meant feeling them all over again, except they hit a hundred times harder. "I'm scared."

"I know, darlin', me too," Sirius said and hugged him tight. "The worlds too cruel for us, but why should that mean we shouldn't put up a fight? If you have to worry about us not making it till the end, it's not me you should be worrying about. That I'm going to 'fall out of love' or abandon you. That's ridiculous. If you need to worry about something, it's that we have to survive this. This world, this war, Remus. We're going to war."

"And I'm wishing on a certain, bright star that we make it out alive," Remus cried, "because not everyone makes it out alive."

"And I'm wishing on the moon."

{january 31st, 2021, 20:46}

{this hurt. ib one of my tumblr posts. might include this in an actual fic :)}