The Smirking Jerk (Blake's POV)

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

I was twitching in my chair, trying to work up the courage to talk to my parents in between passing the salad.

My mother was gossiping with Anita about one of our neighbors and my father was acting like he didn't care but he kept asking single word questions every two minutes.

My parents were used to me being quiet at the table. More often than not I'd say nothing and go hide in my room afterwards.

I didn't... I didn't know what to do, how to do it.

What was I supposed to say? Mom, Dad, I think I need help. You see, my head is even more broken than we already know... and I think it needs more professional help.

It felt... weak to admit this out loud. But... if I wanted Lexi, or anyone to love me really... I needed... I needed to do something about how wrong I felt all the time.

After my car accident two years ago... I'd gone to see a therapist, but it had been useless and my parents had given up pushing me to see him because... well, you really couldn't help someone that didn't want to be helped. And I hadn't wanted to be helped.

I had wanted to be miserable. Maybe my problem was that I liked to feel bad. I liked to make myself feel miserable. I kept pinning for a girl that would never love me because I knew it would make me suffer.

Because... after all these years, it still felt like I deserved to suffer... for Jayden... for being the reason why he was gone.

"No, no, honey, you don't understand, her boyfriend was hiding in the bushes in his underwear while the husband was taking their dog out," my mother was telling my father, who seemed confused about the story she was spinning.

I played with the food in my plate. Maybe I should have talked about this with Josh first. He could have been there with me. But, it felt like the coward move to do that.

I could do this on my own. I would do this on my own.

When everyone around the table was laughing at the end of the captivating story my mother had been sharing, I cleared my throat.

"Oh, sorry sweetheart, were we being annoying?"

"No, Mom, don't worry, it's not that... it's..." I took a deep breath, I fidgeted with my napkin and utensils. "Uh... I think... I think, if it's okay with you guys, that maybe, I'd try to go see that doctor again... that therapist I mean..."

Everyone stopped breathing around the table. It was deadly quiet.

"Sweetheart, I think that's a great idea," my mother finally said, breaking the silence. Her hand went over mine on the table. She looked like she could cry.

My father suddenly got up.

"Will you excuse me everyone," he just said and left the room.

My mother called after him, and I just sat there, feeling like an asshole.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make him mad."

"Oh, no, don't worry, he's not mad sweetheart," my mother automatically answered. "He's... relieved."

"Relieved?

Mom pressed a had to my cheek, smiling at me. "We're just glad that you're feeling good enough now that you'd ask for help," she explained.

Why couldn't Dad just say that though? Why did he leave like that?

I guess I was frowning, because my mother got up and went to hug me. "Don't worry about it Blake, just give him a minute."