Regina | discontinued

sixty two

I couldn't find a photo that corresponds with this chap in someway so enjoy this Javena board I made! (*'ω｀*) ♡

ATHENAS POV.

I shot up from my sleep with the sound of a gunshot ringing through my head. Taking a few deep breaths to calm my frantic heart, I brought my hand up to my forehead and pushed back the sweat matted hair that was stuck there.

Great more nightmares.

Memory nightmares.

When it started, I was back in the first cell Maddox held us in, viewing as Killian was shot then dropped to the ground, face down, blood starting to pool around his head and mixing in with his vibrant blue and purple hair.

I remember the four of us skipping school the day we did it; Neptune and I had spent hours dyeing his hair meanwhile Bellamy silently watched while eating sour gummy bears.

Just like before, I had yelled and screamed and begged for things to not go the way they were planned, hoping that I would be the one who had lost their life rather than my best friend but, as I already knew, I didn't.

I was still alive and breathing.

Next, the scene switched to nine year old me walking through my house in search of my mother. Instead of seeing through my eyes, I watched myself like a movie. Heartbeat racing faster with each step younger me took to the bathroom, I tried to turn away as my stubby hand grasped the door knob but I physically couldn't.

I had to view that too. Again.

After that the scene switched to a few days ago, my clothes were soaked and my eyes were filled to the brim with unshed tears. I slowly turned around, fully facing Bellamy as my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. Like before, I had ran until I tripped into Javier eventually passing out with all three's screams ringing in my head.

'You killed me Athena.'

'You could've stopped me, if only you had paid attention.'

'Why couldn't have Maddox shot you instead? Why do others have to suffer for you?!'

YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT.

My breathing started to pick up and I raised my arm to my forehead, beginning to tug at the roots of my hair while hot tears rolled down my cheeks; While Neptune was asleep, I was free to cry silently.

It's my fault everyone around me gets hurt.

I'm bad luck.

That's bullshit. It's not your fault that other people do these things to the people you love. Besides, you don't even believe in bad luck, dumbass.

Shaking my head, I somehow blocked my nagging inner voice. Dragging my hands out if my hair and to my temple, I started massaging soft circles in  attempt to soothe the headache I felt coming in.

Would these nurses give me ibuprofen?

I think I'm already on too many pain meds, maybe they'll kick in soon.

Gently easing myself back down, I laid on my back and stared up at the ceiling. The tears were dry but some stray ones fell every now and then. By that point I gave up on wiping them, allowing the salty tears to freely roll down my cheeks and to my chin.

I took deep breaths until I felt like I wouldn't die from lack of air consumption yet it still felt as if there was a heavy weight on my chest, making it harder to breathe.

As the minutes went by my breathes got slower and felt more natural, but unfortunately for me the calmer I became the worse my headache got. Leaning my head back into the cool pillow I felt the drowning-like ache in my heart which started to get so heavy I felt as if I was suffocating.