Gone

7.

'Gone 3: She is no ordinary. She came back to me. I feel like I am so lucky. Please don't go again because I am back for you. Sometimes I wonder if she really knows how beautiful her existence is. I was born to love her, to care for her, to erase her problems and be her strength in need. Every time she will inhale, only I'll fill her chest. Just tell me who can love her the way I do. But still I don't deserve her. Never thought that a small secret can change our lives so much. We took away the stars of our nights and sunlight of our days. In the end, the only thing which is left is darkness of cold clouds. Maybe back then, if only I had the courage to stand before her, everything would have been different. I'm crying. Everything's disappeared. Everything's fallen. I am left alone in the sandcastle. And I still want her.'

I closed the diary when my alarm clock buzzed. I looked outside the window and it's shinning at six o'clock in the morning. Dark nights with no light. I shouldn't have got used to it, right? But I have. The monsoon has gone and may no more tears be shed on my pillow. I don't want to think that a cold winter is waiting for me. That's something I can't change. I wish....my body turns cold like the snow this winter.

I got out of the steam shower within minutes and sat on my dressing table to blow dry my hair. I removed all my books aside because that's my study table too. I was humming few songs and drying my supple and wavy hairs.

"Where is my lip gloss?", I asked myself and started searching around to find it. Maybe I forgot that too!

I opened my drawer and a small card was kept inside.

'Do you know what white flowers resemble? It means that I'll try my best for you. And I'm trying to give you the life and love you deserve.'

I read it out. The letter must be kept by my fake mom who keeps pretending to love me but all what she loves is her happiness. Fake. Everything is fake. Only if she told me the truth, maybe I loved her a little. Thinking about the past, I don't remember anything. But I know that she is the reason of all problems in my house. Together we laughed. Together we cried. These simple feelings were maybe all I had.

I pushed my thoughts aside and looked in the mirror.

"I don't want to regret anything in life. Even if I die tomorrow, I want to think about myself today," I gave a sharp glance.

Behind that faint smile directed at me, I am going to draw a beautiful purple light.

I went downstairs and I hope not to meet that whore in the morning.

"I am going," I shouted and got out of the house.

"Wait...she didn't called me?", I thought and went inside to check if she actually forgot me or what.

I looked around but couldn't find her anywhere. I knocked on the door of her room but still got no reply. The door was open and so I went inside without any prior notice.

"Uff! She is asleep. Good for her. At least she doesn't have to act loving me in the morning."

I was about to close the door when I noticed some pills kept on the lamp stand by her bed. I went to pick them up.

"Sleeping pills?", I smirked arrogantly and kept them back at their place.

I took out a blade from my pocket and kept near it.

"Next time, use this. It will give you a better and long lasting sleep," I closed the door and left the house.

Feels like I became a grown up faster than anybody else. My life has been a movie all the time. Don't know what on earth I am doing. Am I living it right?

I look around and seems like everyone is happy. Everything is perfect in this world. Can't this universe lend some happiness to me too? Everyone says that I am beautiful but my sea is pitch black because in the end, I am nothing more than just a crying moon.