Just a little longer.

Fear

Fear is a complex subject. There are so many different fears but they all have one point in common. They are often not what we say they are. 

I am afraid of the dark. Yes it may be childish but we do not control our fears. However, if we look into the subject, it is not that childish. Children are not afraid of the dark but of what is in it. The monster in their closet by example. No I'm not afraid of the monster under my bed or in my closet, don't worry. I'm addicted to horror stories, but they make me paranoid afterwards. That is why I'm scared of the dark. What if someone breaks into my home? What if someone follows me out at night while i walk?

It's the same with my fear of heights. It is not necessarily from heights that I am afraid, but to fall. The unpleasant feeling of stress that being at height gives me. The worst part is when my legs start to shake on their own and I feel even more unstable. Feelings of dizziness.

There is also the social phobia. I understand this one at another level. We are not necessarily scared of socialization, but of what people will think of us. We are rather afraid of feeling observed or of being humiliated. There are people who think that you are only shy, and that is so frustrating. "Calm down, it's just people", "stop exaggerating"... Ugh. 

One of the most common fears is the one of death. It's not my case. I don't really understand this fear. People are scared of what is after. Or of what is not after. Is there an after life? Is it just like a long long sleep? Do we reincarnate? Paradise? Hell? I have nothing against religion, but I'm not a believer. I don't believe in a god or whatever. But I do have a theory. Maybe hell is life. There is nothing under us. So we can just go higher and higher after. And maybe hell is not bad. So many maybe. All this to say that, I am not afraid of what comes next or after, I will live what I need to live. I believe in destiny. 

I'm scared of time too. Yes, time. It's so fast yet so slow. There are so many things I wish I could do but I don't have enough time. Time is human's greatest enemy. And sadly I'm one of them. And so are you.

My biggest fear is dying alone. No one to remember me. What if all my loved ones die before me? What if no one come to my funeral? I wish this to no one. Not even my worst enemy. I wish even though I'm just a tiny part of your life, you'll remember me. I will remember you. Until my last breath. Until my last page.