Secretly known

29

Elli's POV

It has now been three weeks since we have last seen Julie. Her 17th birthday is tomorrow. She always said 17th birthdays are kind of useless. It's just a bridge between 16 and 18. Though she never missed the chance to go all out for celebrations.

This is why Dad still wants to throw her a birthday party. He even asked Alex, Luke, and Reggie to join us. They are part of our family. That's also the reason why he lets them stay in our garage. All of us are happy about that because they don't really have anywhere else to go.

I'm on the other hand have been feeling better. Reggie hangs out with me every day. Who am I to say no to that? We even wrote more songs. It has been extremely great getting to know him further.

Honestly, he's just such a cute little bean.

Or a golden retriever.

I love him.

Wait... Did I really just think that? Wow... I think I have fallen for him hard. I think I need to tell him. I know I need to tell him. I want to tell him.

I will tell him tonight at the party. Dad wants it to start when the clock strikes midnight. I guess he doesn't want to miss a single second of this day. Well, it not really a party. It's more like a small gathering. I'm pretty nervous about it because I have talked to Dr Turner about this. He said this is an opportunity to say goodbye.

To Mom.
To Julie.
To the things holding me back.

He also told me that having hope is one thing, but having false hope is another. I do agree with him on that, but I'm just not quite sure if I'm ready to fully say goodbye yet.

How am I supposed to say goodbye to my own sister?

But I guess, it's the best thing there is to do. Dr Turner knows what he is doing. He is a professional.

I just need to trust him with this. By going to his – well my – therapy sessions, he teaches me how to handle my emotions and trust issues which I didn't know I had. I'm not sure where he got that.

But then again, it's his job. If I already knew everything, I wouldn't have to see him in the first place.

Right?
Uh... What do I know?

My train of thought is interrupted when I hear a knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in".

It's Reggie. "Are you getting ready for tonight? Because I can come back if... if you need time or something..."

A smile tugs on my lips as I see how nervous he seems about how he is phrasing his sentences. I know he cares about me. That has become quite apparent since Julie disappeared. I trust him, so I told him about Dr Turner's plan.

He doesn't agree with is but understands that that is something I have to do.

Good job, Reginald, you just got more points for being perfect boyfriend material.

"No I'm good thanks. There is no need to get ready. It's only going to be you guys and my Dad. It's nothing you haven't seen before", I give him a genuine smile. There is only a tiny space left between us. My stomach feels like it's about to explode.

Maybe I shouldn't wait to tell him.

After all, for us, waiting has never turned out that well.

But before I throw myself in the cold water, I ask why he came to see me.

"There's no particular reason", he responds after folding his lips, "I just wanted to see you".

My before normal seeming smile turned into one, where you can actually see my teeth. "That's cool... No, that's great. Actually, there is something I want to talk to you", I take in a deep breath as Reggie takes yet another step towards me, "Since the first time I have seen I have had this feeling about you".

I look into his eyes, "A good feeling. And after that... especially after the beach, I have come to realise I more than like you, Reggie". I feel like I'm about to throw up. My nerves are taking over my body. My ring finger repeatedly tips on the palm of my right hand. I close my eyes as it feels like I'm sweating rivers.

"I wanted to tell you that... that

I love you".

Reggie just keeps staring at me without saying anything. Oh god, what did I do? He doesn't feel the same way. I never should have said anything. Why did I do that?

I stop panicking when I see Reggie's teary eyes. Is he crying? Why is he crying?

My questions are soon answered when he starts talking, "I didn't expect you to say this", he sniffs, "It's so rare that people tell me that they love me. All I want is to be loved. And this coming from you is just... I...

I love you too".

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. He just said he loves me too.

Wow.

The next thing I know, Reggie closes the gap between us as he brings our lips together. Suddenly I can't feel my surroundings anymore. I don't even know how long I have dreamed of this happening. I'm going to saviour every second of this. It feels like I'm melting into him, like he is melting into me.

I lean my forehead against his as I disconnect our lips.

"I'm glad to see you feel the same way".

---

It's 11:59.

All of us sit around the table. Julie's birthday is about to start.

I sit next to Reggie and we hold hands as we wait for the next day to begin.

My Dad had this whole heart-breaking speech prepared but he didn't get to say it because the first thing we hear as the clock turns the full hour was Julie's voice.

"Wow, guys. I can't believe you did this. This is awesome".

All of us turn around to actually see Julie standing there with a huge smile on her face.