Unfolding

Chapter 33

I Don't Know

"I don't think anyone is ever ready, but when someone makes you feel alive again its kid of worth the risk." – Nikki Rowe

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I never thought I would actually be glad to go back to school – yet here I am.

I'm sure hell must have frozen over by now.

As I walked through the crowded hallways on Monday morning, I actually let out a sigh of relief. Everyone had been driving me absolutely fucking insane since Wednesday. It's like they were afraid that if I so much as moved the wrong way – I would all of a sudden break.

I know I gave them a good scare and all – but I'm fine! The doctor gave me the all clear and told me I was good to go back to normal within a week. He wanted me to go back this Wednesday for another check-up, but other than that everything was fine.

As I came to a stop at my locker, I'm surprised nobody had cornered me in the parking lot and offered to take me to my locker in a white carriage.

17-31-05

The lock popped and the metal door swung open. As I reached up to the top shelf to shove my Econ book in there until eight period, my arm immediately dropped to my side and I couldn't help the wince that escaped my lips.

Okay so maybe I lied – my hip still hurt on occasion and the bruise had not completely healed, but nobody needed to know that.

After I shoved all of the books that I needed for the day into my bag, I slammed the locker shut and turned around to see if I could spot either Caroline or Brooke.

However, as soon as my eyes landed on the scene before me, I immediately wished I hadn't turned around.

Aiden was at his locker with some blonde cheerleader who was twirling her perfectly styled hair between her fingers, and batting her fake eyelashes at him. She continued giggled at whatever he had said, playfully shoving his shoulder.

The worst part? Aiden was actually laughing along with her.

I am well aware of the fact that Aiden and I are not official – and in part that in my fault. But it didn't make what I was seeing any less painful.

Lying in bed for almost an entire week had given me a lot of time alone with my thoughts. I remember opening my eyes in the hospital that day, and how my heart had a mind of its own when my eyes landed on Aiden. It was in that moment that I realized, no matter how hard I tried to deny it, my feelings for him were there and they weren't going away anytime soon. Then, of course, there was the incident where he almost called me his girlfriend.

I could swear I thought that he felt the same way about me.

The gentle touches, the genuinely sweet things he would say to me out of nowhere, constantly being by my side.

Maybe if I hadn't been so stubborn about letting him tell me how he feels, I wouldn't feel so betrayed and angry right now. If there's anyone to blame in this moment, it's me and my stupid fucked up ideology. I couldn't just be a normal teenage girl that lets the boy shower her with feelings and affection. Instead – I had to always be rational and think about the what if and the future.

I'm just so used to being on my own, I don't know how to open up to someone else. It was different with my mom, and with Caroline and Brooke. With them, I know that regardless of how badly I fuck up, they'll still be there at the end of the day.