Something In There (FAÇADES)

30•|FRIENDS|

/CHAPTER THIRTY/

ι'ℓℓ яιѕє υρ

яιѕє ℓιкє тнє ∂αу

ι'ℓℓ яιѕє υρ

ιи ѕριтє σf тнє α¢нє

ι'ℓℓ яυѕє υρ α тнσυѕαи∂ тιмєѕ αgαιи.

ⓐⓝⓓⓡⓐ ⓓⓐⓨ.

(Dedication; my lovely readers, this book would be zero read without you guys.)

(Song; You never know by Blackpink.)

NOT EDITED!

~LILY~

After the text I got from Pinky, I proceeded to Chase place the next day. Millions of thoughts churned around my mind; questions like why did she want to talk to me? What did she want to say to me? Or worse, did I offend her?

I felt really awkward returning to Chase's place after my mini breakdown right in front of him. I couldn't help but cry when he asked me about my wrist, it was a very sensitive topic to me. It brought back memories that I didn't like to think about, memories that almost broke my family apart, but then I was sad, naive and maybe I was a mentally depressed- like the doctor had said when I was taken to the hospital back then- Adolescent. I was helpless and unloved, maybe tired would be the perfect word to summarize my life back then, because indeed I was tired of my life back then.

Tired of being mocked about behind my back.

Tired of being called trash.

Tired of being laughed at.

Tired of feeling ugly.

Tired of not having a voice.

Tired of being unnoticed.

Tired of people questioning my existence.

Tired of feeling unworthy and unloved.

Tired of also pretending at home, pretending to be happy when all I wanted to do was to cry my eyes out, fall into my mum's hands and tell her that I wasn't happy, tell her that nobody loved me in school, tell her that someone slapped me in school, tell her that I was being bullied, but. . .but I couldn't. Fear, uncertainty usually creeped it way through me, and that would immediately make me chicken out of telling her anything. I was a weakling, but I didn't want her to know that because I was already causing her a lot of problems with my academics, so I just couldn't put another burden upon her neck.

It was really hard because I wanted to tell either her or my brother, especially, since my dad was rarely home I couldn't tell him. But whenever I try to tell either of them and their gaze falls on me, asking what happen, I try to respond, but at that moment all the threats made by my bullies come rushing in, so, my head goes numb at that moment, my mouth becomes dry and derived of words and I'd just smile in response instead.

That girl who tried committing suicide, that. . .that was how she felt on the inside.

She felt she was a burden.

She felt unworthy.

She felt weak.

She felt tired and decided to give up- though she knew it was a stupid decision.

I rang the doorbell after pacing the gate for more than five minutes or maybe less than. I was still tense and edgy while I awaited someone to open up.