In My Blood (Eli Moskowitz/Hawk FF) (Cobra Kai)

Chapter 31: If You Love

Hehehhehehehehe this one... I just gotta say... grab your tissues and snacks and pillows to scream into. It is TIME. Tiiiiiiiiime

CHAPTER 31:

Zelena (A week later)

My foot taps anxiously against the gray pavement below the sole of my Converse, my thumbs drumming against my thigh in sync with the impatience pulsating through me. You shouldn't be this anxious, Zelena. He's still your best friend. My conscience reminds me to no avail of reaching its initial goal of easing the nerves unsettling me. Still trying to get rid of the discomfort all these nervous actions surge through different parts of my body, my lips part only slightly, slowly blowing air out between the small space between them. "You can do this. It's literally just hanging out with Eli. Someone you've known your entire life." I outwardly whisper to myself, taking on the positive energy my conscience had tried seconds before.

I walk to the left, across the front distance of the house I spent a good amount of my childhood in before abruptly turning on my heel the moment the toe of my shoe crosses just slightly over the neighbor's grass line. Except you don't know this Eli. You know old Eli who doesn't really exist anymore. And maybe he is pretending- My hands untuck from the front pockets of my jeans, running over my face to erase the lingering negativity. The heat of my inner hands warms the iced skin of my face from the cool, winter air blowing around me. It soothes me and the warmth spreads inwardly, heating away all of the iciness I had built up within me. "I can do this."

My head tilts back, facing the beauty of the afternoon sky hovering above. A particular single ray of light momentarily blinds me, causing my eyes to shut abruptly but then I relish in the additional heat provided by the sun. Every tense muscle in my body relaxes and a relieved sigh trickles from my lips.

Eli

My lips part in astonishment the second my eyes fall upon my best friend standing in the direct sunlight that casts this outward radiance everyone knows she carries within her. For a few moments longer, I relish in the sight of her relishing in the sunlight as her hands draw down from her face, to behind her neck before allowing only her fingertips dance across her covered shoulders. She looks free- truly angelic- and I reconsider this entire arrangement we'd decided on. You don't deserve her. After all you did- there's no way you get her. My eyes immediately drop to the steering wheel in unfiltered shame- humiliation.

Upon the validity the voice in my head speaks with, the hand that had fallen in my lap lifts back up to grasp the shifter. I squeeze my eyes shut, silently willing whatever God my mother prays to, to make Zelena understand that I have no intent to cause her pain and instead protect her from the person I was and still could be. I simply am not good enough. "Eli?" Her voice sounds inquisitive and my head turns to the right, eyes opening to find her staring back at me equally as inquisitive. "Are we still okay?"

I remember the song she'd sent me when I first mentioned Moon and getting more and more serious about asking her out. She loves her whole family and all of her friends, so if you're the one she lets in, take it. She's the best thing that you'll ever have. My eyes refocus on her face and I swallow the nervous lump in my throat, nodding my head. My left hand slides from the steering wheel to reach the small panel on my door's inner handle, hooking my finger beneath the lip of the button to automatically unlock all the doors.

Her body slowly slides into the seat after she opens the door, still eyeing me like she can sense all of my complete unease with the situation. "Do you regret asking me-"

"No." I interrupt her on the basis of the doubt soaking her slowly spoken words like she's at fault for my odd behavior. My hand releases the shift placed on park and I unbuckle my seatbelt to fully face her. I am not going to get mad at you for being honest with me, Hawk. I am not going to make fun of you for showing your emotions. I would rather know all of it, good and bad, then continue guessing like it's some fun game for you. Her voice echoes in my head from one of our many discussions following my return to this side of the fence. I inhale deeply before allowing my eyes to actually meet her gaze. "I saw you standing in the sunlight and it reminded me how much I don't deserve you. How different we are and big of a mistake I made by-"