Year 18

-Chapter 16-

The ride to Headquarters is silent as Andrew and I both seem to be at a loss for words. What is there to say after a day like today? A day that started with so much mystery gave way to despair and yet still ended with joy.

Finally, just as we are about to arrive at Headquarters, Andrew clears his throat, "he really would do anything for you, you know?"

I nod, warmth settling against my heart. "Kane has always treated me with a generosity I will never deserve."

Andrew turns to me for a moment, pulling up next to the ivy-covered building, coming to a stop as my nerves begin to tumble over each other.

"I meant Charlie."

The warmth I had felt trembles, becoming tepid.

"Charlie would do anything for power."

"Who do you think the Government is going to blame when you're missing?" Andrew's voice is quiet, but I can hear notes of worry laced within his words. "I may not agree with Charlie and what he's done, but I know what it's like to be the coward. I know what it's like to be on the wrong side of a battle and the courage it takes to admit to that. I still haven't found that courage, but I think he was starting to."

I hadn't really given it much thought, my whole being too relieved at my escape to worry about any repercussions that may befall Charlie Wong. The boy who accepted me with open arms. The boy who gave me the benefit of the doubt even when I didn't deserve it. The boy who betrayed us... and yet it's he who helped me escape, and it's no doubt he who'll pay for it. The part of me that will endlessly care for Charlie hurts, and guilt bites at my heart. But the part of me that has felt the tearing of betrayal feels no guilt. Charlie allowed these events to transpire. Charlie is the one who asked me to escape. I had prepared myself to die.

"It's complicated," I say, because it is. My feelings are complicated. Our situation is complicated. And despite the way that Andrew has proven himself time and time again, he's still hardly more than a stranger. I'm worn far too thin to try and explain any of this to him now.

The vehicle finally stops running, and the doors open.

I step out of the car, feeling a light breeze pass across my skin. I let my lungs fill with the sweet outdoor air I've been denied living in a Cell, some life being regained in my weary body.

And before Andrew has the chance to say anything more, I take off toward the entrance to Headquarters, rushing inside. I bypass all the Year Movement workers I come across, most of which look shocked when they see me. I pass by men I know such as Ben, whose jaw drops, and Jack who calls my name.

I keep going, moving past familiar faces and rooms, not stopping to take any of it in.

I look first for him in his office, the room looking as though no one has been in it for weeks, papers strewn everywhere, dust collecting on the desk.

I continue on, checking in the dining room, making eye contact with Anya who is seated as the table with Mr. and Mrs. Olsan. She gasps, but I don't stay to say anything, noting Kane isn't here.

My mind is completely and wholly focused on finding Kane.

Making my way through the halls, I focus on finding one room in particular. Room 115.

I slow my pace as I approach, my heart pounding in my chest, my breathing heavy as I gulp in air. For months Kane and I have spent so much time apart. Weeks of hurt and hopelessness have stolen every ounce of optimism in my body. Weeks of worry about what the future will look like not only for us, but our nation has broken us. This moment is one I have hoped for. However, just last night I came to terms with the fact that it was impossible, at least that I thought it was impossible.