Forgive Me (complete)

5

I gave up trying to to ditch Michael because he was intent on bothering me. He refused to leave me to my own devices but I couldn't figure out why. Perhaps he was a sadist and he enjoyed watching my century long downfall. Perhaps he wanted to watch me suffer because of what I had done to Avina. I couldn't help but be curious about his relation to her. Was Avina really as pure as she led everyone to believe or had she kept a lover in Heaven?

"Since you are going to keep bothering me, why don't you answer a couple questions for me," I said as I took a seat on a stone bench in a park.

"I'll answer the best I can," he responded as he sat next to me.

"What is the real reason you are following me around?"

"I have nothing better to do," he said.

I nodded absently, "I'm not buying that. Why do you care so much about Avina?"

He stayed quiet for a moment as he gazed out across the dark park. I took the time to really study his appearance. He truly was the most perfect being I had ever encountered; everything that he encompassed had been tailored to my every want. I couldn't picture someone more ideal for me. Of course Damian was sinfully handsome but Michael seemed to ooze goodness and light. He was so serene it almost helped relax my restless mind. Almost.

"Do you love her?" I asked when I realized he wasn't going to respond.

"Of course I love her. She is like my sister."

The slightly angry undertone took me by surprise.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked confused.

"Furious."

I seriously doubted he knew the meaning of furious if this was fury to him. Fury was when Ivan killed me. I was absolutely ruthless when it came to his punishment. I ensured he would suffer for an eternity physically and mentally. He wouldn't be allowed to sit in purgatory. I refused to let him have a moment of peace.

"I seriously doubt you're furious."

"Oh I am. You have no idea how difficult it is to sit here with you knowing what you have put her through. When I think about you with Damian it takes everything in me to remember I am an arch angel."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you. We'd been carrying on like this sixty years before she ever came into the picture," I said apathetically.

"You haven't learned anything, have you, Katrina? Avina forgives you over and over for betraying her trust and love but you still feel no remorse. You are truly selfish, aren't you?"

The way he said those things to me caused such a deep hurt I wasn't sure if I would be able to stop from crying. I hadn't felt much of anything besides hate and rage the last century so this was new and most definitely terrifying.

I tried to think of a response but I knew he was right. I couldn't deny that I was pure evil and selfish now. I didn't relish in that but it was a fact.

I looked down at my hands and laced my fingers trying to focus on anything except the guilt and pain I felt from having him realize I was a horrible being. I couldn't explain why I was so hurt by his words; I had never been bothered by someone's opinion of me especially if it was accurate but Michael's clear understanding of my foul nature hurt worse than Ivan killing me. I would take that five times over if I never had to listen to Michael accuse me of wrong doings again.

"I um....I have to go," I whispered. I hated the pain clinging to my voice. It nearly disgusted me that I had allowed myself to feel so deeply. Fucking arch angel.

I got up and walked as quickly as possible to get away from Michael. I couldn't be around him a moment longer.

I squeezed my eyes closed as a tear silently rolled down my cheek and I was instantly back in the Underworld. I stormed up the gold steps of the castle as I wiped my tears away furiously.

I made my way through the crowded main floor to the solid gold elevators in hopes no one would bother me before reaching my room.

As luck would fucking have it, Avina walked up to me and waited at the same elevator. Must she bother me the rest of eternity? Didn't she have enough now?

"Are you all right, Katrina?" She asked in the most sickly genuine voice she could muster.

"I'm fine," I responded tightly.

Damian stood next to her with his hand resting gently on her lower back.

"Why have you been crying?" She pried as she placed a hand on my cheek.

I swatted her hand away, "Mind your fucking business, that's why."

I stalked away to the servant stairs just to avoid the happy couple. Of course Damian wouldn't allow that to happen. Why the fuck wouldn't he just leave me alone?

"Care to explain what the fuck that was about?" He demanded.

I ignored him as I climbed the stairs quickly. Twenty flights would take some time but all I had was time.

"Katrina," he barked as he grabbed my wrist.

I turned, all fury present at his gesture, "What! What could you possibly want from me?! I did everything I was supposed to so leave me alone!"

"You will not disrespect her, Katrina. She is your future queen."

"I don't give a flying fuck. Isn't it enough that I have nothing left to myself? Can't you just leave me alone?" I practically begged.

I wondered if he thought my despair was his doing. It wasn't. I couldn't stand the thought of Michael being so disappointed in me. I hated that he thought so poorly of me but I did it to myself; I allowed myself to become this way and now I had to deal with the consequences.

He let me pull my wrist from his hold finally and continue on my way up. I wanted nothing to do with Damian or Avina for the next millennia. I wasn't sure that was possible but I would avoid them at all cost.

I climbed the last flight of stairs and ended up on the floor I had spent a century on. The marble ground fed into solid gold walls with intricate patterns crafted in the most keen locations.

I fell on my giant bed so frustrated by what I was feeling. How could I allow Michael to have this affect on me? I was the top deal maker here, a favorite with the Satan and I had allowed an arch angel to get under my skin. Well, not anymore. Michael's rank may be above Samael's but I didn't answer to Michael. He simply called me out when I was already vulnerable and that would never happen again. The next time I ran into him I would be far more stern.