The untold story of the first wife

Chapter 4 - Respect

Anamika's POV:

After congratulating choti bahuranisa, I came back to my chamber and asked kamala to get things ready for Puja. Then I did my puja once again today this time thanking god for the good news and praying for a heir for the kingdom.

Once done with the puja, I was just sitting leisurely before my next work. That time Kamala said, "badi Bahuranisa, don't you feel hurt anymore? "

I know what she is referring to, so instead of answering her I asked her to leave me alone for sometime. once she left my chamber, I recalled the time when I break down infront of Kamala for the first time.

Flashback

It has been 6 months since yuvraj married Saudamini and 5 months since she got pregnant.  Everything changed after that, not immediately but slowly.

Even though he comes to my chamber on weekends, he will have work which consumes his day time and left only nights. Since he will be tired due to the day's work, I try not to waste time by talking and let him take rest. Intimacy became a far fetched dream for me.

When he is not tired, I try to initiate some talks about intimacy and immediately he will recall some of his intimate moments about Saudamini without even realizing it.  Once he realizes it is far too late. From his talks, I can safely say he wouldn't even have time to think or talk about me when he is with Saudamini.

One such incident happened yesterday night, when I said, "yuvraj, I think your sexual appetite has gone less.  Don't you think so? ". I asked thinking he is busy all day because of the upcoming wars he planned and have very less time at night as we didn't have sexual intimacy since months.

He laughed at that and said, "You bet Anamika, Saudamini will win over me in that.  I never know Pregnant women will have a high sexual appetite that they are horny all the time and it makes men feel wanted. "

Silence fell over the entire chamber. Yuvraj realized what he had said and started apologizing, " Anamika, I am sorry. It just slipped unconsciously. "

I cut him off and said controlling my tears, in a hoarse voice, "It's ok yuvraj, you don't need to explain to me ".

"I don't need to but I want to explain Anamika.   I know I said that I don't want to do anything with her apart from the child but day by day spending time with her, I learnt a lot about her and we both started to have mutual understanding. I can't say love but yes definitely friends. "

He was about to continue more about them but cut off by a Dasi asking permission to enter. He gave permission and she said little tensed, "Yuvraj, choti bahuranisa is asking for you".

Yuvraj asked in anger, "Don't she know that it's weekend and I will be in east wing? ". For which the Dasi answered in fright, "It's not that yuvraj, we tried to convince her but she is crying continuously asking for you", she completed.

As soon as hearing that, yuvraj's anger vanished and he immediately asked concerned, "what happened?  why is she crying? what are you all doing? ". Without waiting for her reply, he bolted out of the door towards the west wing and without even saying anything to me.
He didn't come whole night and I didn't sleep the entire time. I can understand that pregnant ladies do have sudden cravings and frustrations because of which they are very sensitive.  But that doesn't mean they snatch the rights of others.

The relationship of choti bahuranisa and mine is not very friendly but just civil.  We just smile at each other whenever we see each other and give each other their due respect. We both didn't think we need to know and understand more than that of each other.

Now it is past 9 in the morning, I asked one of my dasis to check the whereabouts of yuvraj as this is my second day with him.  When the Dasi returned, she told me that yuvraj left for the war which will take some months to end.  I was shocked and at the same time confused as the war was planned after choti bahuranisa give birth to the child then why suddenly.  Sensing my confusion, Dasi answered my unasked question, "The other kingdom seems to get some information about our planned attack. So before we could call for war, they gave a war call and yuvraj has to go immediately".

After a few seconds, I asked her," Who did aarthi for yuvraj before he went to war?" dreading the answer.  She said,"Ranisa did the aarthi as yuvraj didn't want both of his wives to panic because of the sudden war".  I nodded at her and she left from there.  Though I was somewhat relieved that it was Ranisa and not choti bahuranisa who did the aarthi as it was my right, I couldn't help but feel deeply hurt. He very well know I'm not a person who will panic on such situations yet he chose to leave without informing me.

I couldn't control my tears which I stubbornly didn't let out whole night.  And I cried loudly thinking about my life for the past few months. I cried thinking why I am cursed to not have a child of my own?  I cried thinking what is my sin for which I'm punished to live a life like hell on earth?

Hearing my cries, Kamala came inside my chamber and hugged me trying to console me. After sometime my cries quietened down, then she said, "Badi bahuranisa, please don't cry like that. I  know you are enduring many things here but don't forget you are a royal and you can't just break down. Think about all the lessons your Masa gave you before leaving your maternal home. " 

I recalled all that she said.  Among all those lessons, she insisted one rule among all, "As wife of crown prince, you may come across a situation where you have to live with your co-wives, may be more than one. But remember one thing that you share everything with them but not the respect which you have for your position of being the first wife."

I wiped my tears determined that this will be the last tears that I shed, though I know many more situations are yet to come which will slice out my heart.  But I will make my heart a stone so that it will not break even at extreme situations and will help me maintain my respect from all others.

Flashback over

Though Kamala practically raised me from childhood, She don't know how far determined I will become when I take some decisions. She thinks I'm hurt because choti bahuranisa is pregnant but no I'm just worried about the heir of the kingdom.  it doesn't mean I love the girls any less. I take care of all their needs when they are not with their parents.

Let's see what destiny has in store for the kingdom.  Leaving all these thoughts, I went to check the accounts submitted by the finance minister as part of my daily routine.

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Thanks,
SM.