Shut Up, Padfoot!

76

"Fairy lights."

I ran a hand through my short hair and lost view of the redhead girl. The night is getting darker but that just means only a few more hours until dawn. I can't waste time.

Reappearing in front of the Portrait, I shuffled forward. Seems the Fat Lady is back again and she's got armor on. A grin flickered on my face and I struggled to keep a poker face.

"Oi, did anyone tell you that there are demons in the castle?"

"Wut?" she shakily replied.

"Yeah! They show up like the students that died before graduating from Hogwarts. Betcha, I saw that Phoenix girl haunting these hallways," I explained.

"D-d-demons? P-p-phoenix?" she stuttered.

I blinked and smiled widely. She pointed her stolen spear in the air and cowered in the metal of her armor. Her braids coming undone in her frenzy. Her eyes flit back in forth. She looks like she wants to disappear in the building painted in her background.

"Anyway! Fairy lights," I stated.

The portrait opened but before I left her sight, I shifted back to my normal form.

She screeched and I could still hear it on the other side. I covered my mouth and held back my laughter. It feels good to be back.

Scanning the common room, I noticed the fireplace wasn't lit. Only a few studying candles were flickering on the coffee table but other than that, completely empty. Everything seems too dreary.

The joy from earlier left and my objective resurfaced.

I walked to the boy's staircase. My hand went up the rail as I ascended. Creaks came from underneath my footsteps. The hallway enveloped in darkness and most of the dormitories that branched off had closed doors.

Retracing the same steps I used to take at least weekly, I came face to face with the customized door.

The same 'Keep Out! Marauders Only!' was pinned next to the Hogwarts sign. Various boyish streamers and Quidditch stickers were pressed into the wood. Some old pictures of us and Lily were adhered with tape.

I pressed my thumb to the edge of the moving photograph. The one with Sirius holding Lily in the air like a ballerina. And James giving Remus a noogie. And the fake smile on my face with a comforting Peter to the side.

My lids lowered to the large grins on their faces and laughter coming from their happy forms. Looking over to the other photo, I watched Padfoot hold my waist the night of Spring Halloween.

His smile against my mouth and shawl falling to the floor. I continued to peer at the scene. Where I broke the kiss because I couldn't contain my giggles, pressing my forehead to his gently.

"Bloody hell," I huffed in frustration.

I looked upward before just doing what I came here to do. I turned the knob without anymore hesitation and entered their quiet room.

Stopping in my tracks, I took it all in.

They're sleeping so soundly. And safely. I'm standing in the same room as them. I'm with them. We're okay.

A tear fell down my cheek but I quickly swiped it with my wrist. I can't lose this opportunity.

I approached Sirius' bed. He slept in fetal position and clutched his pillow to his chest. Hair splayed everywhere and bedsheets pushed to the end of the bed. I reached out, softly tapping his shoulder.

I held my breath. This is unreal. After one whole year...

"Padfoot," I choked out.

He groaned but didn't wake up. I retracted my hand and turned around towards the windows. My breaths came out raggedy and I'm scared..

I can't do this.

No, I need to do this.

Running a hand through my hair again, the long strands shortened and I changed my facial features. I just need to get him out of the dormitory first without trouble.

I came back to him. Tapping his shoulder again, I called, "Siri? Wake up."

He sat up quickly in surprise and looked around. He inhaled deeply and finally noticed me. My eyes burned and I tried to hold back.

"Who are you? Why'd you wake me up?" he groggily questioned.

My heart beat quicker when I heard his voice. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.

"Someone called for you. They're in the common room," I responded.

What am I doing? Why did I have to go through this elaborate plan? What's wrong with me? Oh my god. What the hell am I doing?

"What? Who? Who called?" the drowsiness apparent in his tone as he turned to the side of his bed.

He ruffled his hair and cleared his throat. His hands searched for his socks in his bed, having come off during his restless slumber. He lazily pulled them on and stood up.

"I think it might be Professor Mcgonagall," I answered.

"Shit.. I didn't even do anything," his husky voice said.

"I don't know," I blurt.

I'm so bad at this. Why didn't I just turn the lights on and say 'Hey, I'm alive'?

"Okay, let's just go downstairs and see," he told.

He led the way out of the room. Sirius' hand came up to his face to rub his eyes. I tried to hold back but I felt my cheeks run wet with tears. I wiped at them fiercely to avoid attention.

His slouching posture worsened the more he got sleepy on the way down the stairs. I shuffled behind him like a stray puppy. Mimicking his tired steps, I sniffled.

Why was it so difficult for me to do this? It should've been easy! I wanted to be with him, all of them, so badly but I created more trouble. I've thought about this day since the moment I woke up from my coma. And yet I did it in the worst way possible.

I felt my hair revert back to normal and realized my emotions might've just made me let go. I can't do this. I don't want to do this. This is so wrong. But I can't hide if I look like me now. I can't fucking do this.

He looked around the common room with confusion. He scratched his jaw and tried to piece together what's going on.

"Did they leave? There's no one here," he stated.

"I know."

He turned around.

-lana