Loves Me Not

TWENTY FIVE

AFTER
DETECTIVE BRETT PORTER

By Tuesday evening, the guys have traced the number I asked about. It belongs to a man by the name of Dominic Belmont.

Now the question begs: why were Catalaina and this man making frequent phone calls to one another these preceding months? Is this the affair I was searching for? Or are there more secrets she's hiding?

Belmont lives just north of the Enterprise Zone, about a fifteen minute drive from Catalaina's house. I make a trip out there to see him.

I ring the doorbell and wait. The area is alright. Nothing extravagant, but not too derelict either. Mostly middle-class suburban homes with a few lower income residential areas.

The door opens and I take in his appearance. Tall, strong build, dark hair, hazel eyes. The stubble on his face suggests that he's in the process of growing it out. He wears a beanie on his head that covers half of his hair, but not all of it. A few dark strands stick out at the front. This is him.

"Can I help you?" is the first thing he says to me.
I flash my badge. "Detective Porter. Mind if I come in so we can talk?"
He looks taken back. "What is this regarding?"
"Catalaina Kittridge."
He pauses a moment. Then he says, "She's that missing girl, right? I've seen her face all over the news."
I stare at him, wondering which angle he's trying to play. He's clearly unaware of the fact that I've seen her phone records and have traced it back to him for that specific reason.
"This isn't an arbitrary house call," I tell him. "You can drop the act."
"I'm sorry?"
"Mind if we do this inside?"
He hesitates a moment. Looks out at the street behind me. Then he opens the door, allowing me in the house.
Once we're both standing inside, he closes the door and I say, "Why don't you start off by telling me how you know Catalaina."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
I didn't want to have to resort to this, but I bring out the phone records – which have been heavily highlighted – and hand them to him. I point my finger to his phone number. "This right here," I say to him. "Your phone number. Numerous calls to and from Catalaina Kittridge, months leading up to her disappearance."
"Woah," he takes a step back and puts his hands in the air in defense. "I didn't do anything to Catalaina. I don't know where she is."
"So why don't we try this again," I say, sliding the papers back into my briefcase. "How do you know Catalaina?"
He brings his arms down and stares at me for a moment, as though he's debating what to say. Then he says, "We were having an affair, me and her."
So I was right. "For how long?" I ask. "When did it start?"
"Earlier this year. We met at the end of February."
"Where."
"At a bar."
Not the first person she's met at a bar as of late. "And what... you just started sleeping together?"
"No, not in the beginning. It wasn't like that. Okay, well, sort of. We slept together that first night. I thought it was just going to be a one-night stand. But we kept in touch. She wanted me around. I knew she was married. Engaged, sorry, whatever. But she chose this. She wanted this."
"I'm glad you can own up and take responsibility for your actions as well."
He doesn't comment.
"When did it end?" I ask.
He looks at me. "It didn't."
"You were still seeing each other when she disappeared?"
"Yes," he says, then pauses and re-evaluates what he just said. "Do I need a lawyer?"
"That depends," I say. "Do you have something to hide?"
"No. Not at all. I don't know where she went."
"And you didn't think to come to the police about this? You're clearly a key person in her life right now."
"I didn't want to get involved. I know she'd freak out if she ever found out I said anything. She was so adamant about keeping me a secret. Told me that no one can ever know."
"But what if she's hurt? What if something happened to her?"
"I don't know!"
"You were just willing to let that go, simply because she asked you not to say anything?"
"Yes."
I snort, then look at my notepad to regain my thoughts. "When did you last see her?"
"The Wednesday before. She came over here."
"What time did she leave?"
"Eleven o'clock maybe? I don't know."
"And how did she seem then? Was anything off?"
He thinks about this. "Yeah, actually... She was acting a bit strange. She seemed almost distraught. She came over and right away we... you know. Which is kind of unusual. It was like she couldn't get to me fast enough. Something tells me she was distracted. Or maybe she needed a distraction. I was the distraction. And then afterwards, she was all quiet. I tried to get her to talk about it, but she wouldn't really say much. Just kept staring blankly at the wall, a vacant look in her eyes. Like she was dead inside. And then later, when I suggested she leave and get home, she almost had a breakdown. Kept going on about how she can't keep doing this. At first I thought she meant us. But then I realized, she meant going home to Ben."
"And that's it? She went home after that?"
"Yeah."
"Have you heard from her since then?"
"No. Nothing. I tried calling her on Wednesday. No answer. And you can imagine my surprise when I saw her face on the news."
"And what did you initially think, when you discovered she'd gone missing?"
"Honestly," he says. "My first thought was that he found out."
"Ben?"
"Yeah. I figured she must have told him, or he found out somehow. And then... I don't know."
"You thought he did something to her?"
"Well what else am I supposed to think? I was having an affair with an almost-married woman and then she goes missing."
"What did she tell him when she was with you?"
"Hell if I know. That's her business, not mine."
"Well, it is sort of your business, you do realize that, right?"
"I don't know what you want from me."
"I just want to find Catalaina."
"I already told you, I don't know where she is."
It's quiet again. I think. Then I say, "Okay, fine. I believe you. For now. So instead of talking about her disappearance, why don't you tell me about the Catalaina that you knew? Give me a glimpse into her life, into your relationship with her."
He nods his head and thinks for a moment. "I never thought we'd become anything more after that first time. I remember the night we met. She was dazzling. But I also sensed that there was something off about her. She carried this great sadness with her, and I don't think she realized that other people could see it. Well, I could at least. There was something about her. Alluring yet guarded. We flirted a bit, got to talking more. She went home with me willingly and it made me wonder if this was the sort of thing she did often. It wasn't until later that night she confessed to me that she was engaged. She sort of broke down crying, actually. I wasn't even weirded out by that. I felt bad for her. I tried to comfort her and console her because clearly she didn't want to be with this guy –"
"Did she say why?" I interject.
"Why she didn't want to be with him?"
"Yeah."
"Sort of. She said it wasn't necessarily him that was the problem. It was her. She said she couldn't be with him, but that was because of her own issues. She said that she felt trapped. She seemed scared."
"Scared?"
"Yeah."
"Like he might hurt her?"
"No, not like that. Just scared of being stuck in that life. She told me once that she never wanted to get married or have kids or any of that. The thought terrified her. She tried to do everything she possibly could to stray away from what is deemed normal in our society."
"Let's go back to that first night," I say. "What happened after she told you about her fiancé?"
"I was kind of surprised. But then she told me about him, their relationship and everything. I sympathized with her. And despite the fact that she had just cheated on her fiancé with me, she seemed like a good person."
"So how did things continue after that?"
"I wrote my number on a piece of paper and gave it to her, but I didn't expect to ever hear from her again. She left and said like, a final goodbye to me. She said, it was nice knowing you, Dominic Belmont. Maybe we'll meet again in another life. So I took it that we'd never see each other again. What I didn't expect, however, was for her to call me a week later.
"We ended up talking that night on the phone for over two hours. We had this bond, this connection, and I felt so close to her, even though I barely knew her. And it was after that when we started talking and seeing each other more." He pauses for a moment. "I don't think she ever set out to intentionally cheat on her fiancé and have an affair. I think sometimes in life, these things just happen, and they're completely beyond our control. But I also don't think it's the worst thing in the world. I mean, sure, it's bad. But the girl clearly needed an escape."
"She should have just called off the engagement if she didn't want to marry him."
"Yeah, easier for you to say. Because you're not in her position. You're not her. You don't know the difficulties and struggles she goes through."
I don't answer for a moment, taking in his words. He seems to genuinely care about her. "So how did you feel about all of this? Her having an affair with you while still choosing to stay with him and marry him? Didn't that ever make you mad or jealous? You ever tell her to leave Ben for you?"
"God no. Maybe I insinuated it a couple of times, because hell yeah I'd like to be with her. But I would never push that on her. If she wanted to be with me then she'd be with me. She'd leave her fiancé and we'd be together. But clearly there's something off in her head if she decides to stay. But that's not on me to fix or control. She has her own issues. I let her work them out for herself."
"Do you love her?"
He considers this. "I do. I love her and I care for her immensely."
"Does she love you?"
He's quiet. Then he says, "I don't think she does. But if I'm being completely honest with you, I don't think Catalaina loves anyone. She doesn't even love herself. She's incapable of feeling that kind of emotion."
"What makes you say that?"
He shrugs. "Just who she is. But I don't question it. I don't complain. Her and I have this mutual unspoken agreement. We don't ask questions. We don't invade. We don't fight. We are simply there for one another."
I stare at him, waiting for him to continue.
"I would do anything for her," he says. "She means a lot to me. But like I said, I can tell that the feeling isn't mutual. She's distracted, looking for more out of life. Settling down and living a mundane life with Ben isn't enough for her. She needs more. And I always feared what would happen if she stayed. Because that would be debilitating for her. A girl like Catalaina requires so much more. Only problem is, I don't know if there's truly anyone out there who is enough for her."