RED ROOM [H.S]

29.

TRIGGER WARNING: talks of suicide (sort of.) please read at your own risk!!!!

Harry.

Sophia and I were almost sober by time we got back to the hotel. She had refused to strip her muddy clothes in car, and Niall refused to let us into his car because of it. I wasn't about to leave her to walk the vacant streets herself, so off we went, leaving Niall to burn rubber as he sped away from the bar.

The hour long walk was worth it though, despite the ache in my legs. Though I knew Niall wouldn't of appreciated the beauty, I was glad that her body was only mine to look at, even if she didn't ever say the words aloud. I wanted to images of her all to myself, and I may have to blind the next man who dares to try and have a look at her in her most vulnerable state.

We had walked along the side of the road on our way back. We had seemed to take a detour by not looking at the maps on our phones, getting lost in the maze of overgrown trees that littered the town we were in. We had danced to the sounds of the cars, daring each other to run across the road as they came. It was dangerous, reckless and all the more fun. The adrenaline was pumping through my body, and a wicked sense of greed followed it. I was breaking her, I had thought to myself as I watched the grin light up her face. The sanity in her was fading, and she was becoming more like me. It was selfish to say I loved it.

We spoke about wild things on our way home, making up crazy scenarios and asking each other what we would do if we ever found ourselves in that situation. It was strange to admit she was the only person, other than Niall, I allowed myself to speak to in depth. I couldn't remember the last time I had spoken to someone I barely knew, let alone feel sane after an hours long walk with them. Those types of things didn't happen to me. I usually grew bored or annoyed. Not with Sophia though. She intrigued me. Excited me. It was a feeling that I hadn't felt for such a long time, it almost felt wrong to have.

By time we reached the hotel, she had grown tired. She yawned as we entered the dark hotel room, and I had ushered her into one of the bedrooms, before meeting Niall in his room. He laid across the white sheets in nothing but a pair of black shorts. I frowned when I looked down at his knee, my own bubble of joy growing smaller as I stared.

"How's the knee?" I asked, shutting the door. I took it upon myself to lean against it, fully aware that Niall wasn't happy with me. I didn't want to get too close, worried he may snap at me. He did that sometimes. He didn't like to be crowded.

He looked up from his phone that he had hovering above his face. He too glanced down at his knee, eyeing the swelling and redness around it. It looked painful. Fuck.

"Would of been better it I didn't have to dive into the middle of the road to push you fuckers off it," he clipped, clearly annoyed. "I'm fine though, I guess. Can't really get any worse than it already is."

I rubbed the back of my neck in shame. "I'm sorry, we were just having a bit of fun."

Niall glared. Pulling his attention away from his phone completely, he sat up, wincing as he did. "Tell me something, would you have gotten off the road if I hadn't pushed you two?"

I stayed silent. I didn't fear death by any means, but I didn't necessarily want to die. I wasn't lying when I had screamed that I was the Hawk, even if it did now seem like such an absurd thing to do. I was always a fighter, there was no flight response in my body. I wanted to win the game, even if it meant that I faced the deadly coincidences. I knew that made me sick in the head, and clearly a bit deranged to have such a thought, but it was the truth. I might of stayed there until the truck came ploughing into us, taking both our lives. Sometimes I wished my brain wasn't wired differently. If I was normal, I may not have openly risked my life in front of my best friend. My best friend who had a busted knee and still found it in himself to dive across the road and push me off it. It was selfish and cruel, because Niall would of been the one to witness the whole thing unfold if he hadn't jumped in the way. Clearly, I hadn't thought of that in the moment though. The adrenaline had surged through my body, along with the alcohol, it made me feel alive. Like every atom in my body was set on fire, burning my skin until I felt the rush everywhere. It was exhilarating. It was terrifying to know that I lived for that feeling. The rush of it all made me want to relive it over and over again.