❝You're gonna be happy, ❞ said life, ❝but first I'll make you strong.❞
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A story of how a family reeling from loss and pain can come together and realize that there is beauty in the mess of life.
In the wake of their mother's death, five siblin...
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―Theodore Jackson ―
THE HOUSE WAS IN the same condition as we left it. I mean it wasn't as if the house could reflect the despair we felt in our hearts. It simply held the memorable reminders of the life my family held before the events last night came crashing down on our reality.
Elias' football gear was still lying haphazardly in front of the doorstep. As if waiting for mom to come hollering for him to clean it up. Rey's new set of books from the library were still scattered over the kitchen counter. Riley's favourite show paused on the TV. Julian's half-eaten bowl of cereal still laid on the coffee table. The cereal all soggy due to our abrupt leave last night to the hospital.
Just the thought of the hospital made my throat tighten. I clenched my jaw as I ran my hand repeatedly through my already messed-up hair. I hadn't slept in a day and neither had my siblings. The nurse had recommended we get some rest but I could tell the same anxious worry was apparent in all my siblings as we spent the whole night waiting in the hospital for the news about mom.
It was probably dawn when the doctor finally came out to deliver the news. But as the words came pouring out of his mouth, it felt like it was only happening seconds ago. His words are forever engraved in my mind.
I'm sorry, she didn't make it
It only took those six words before my fantasy came crashing down and the deep grief settled in. It's not like death was a new concept for anyone but the idea of Mom not being here anymore struck a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The memory of her would soon cease to exist and soon I would forget her smiles full of joy, reminding me of the days she would sing along to the radio as she made us all participate in cooking dinner every Friday. I would forget her hugs, they were always so warm and it felt like home whenever I smelled her sweet coffee in her hands. And yet, if it were possible, my sadness just continued seeping into my soul.
It was a sadness I did not just feel for her or for myself but for my brothers and sister. That my mom would not be able to walk Elias down to his graduation from high school. Or get to see Rey's talent on the piano. Or watch Julian's basketball finals. Or laugh at Riley when she finally passed her driver's test.
The realization was all coming too fast. This was no nightmare that Mom was going to wake me up from. No, that wasn't possible because she was gone. And I was officially deemed the next person to have custody over my four younger siblings.
I silently watched as Elias angrily stepped out of the car, walked into our desolate house, and pulled open the door to the basement to take his anger out on the punching bag for the next few hours. Rey followed quietly as he headed to the kitchen table, mumbling about homework to be done as if it would distract from our current situation.
Julian then appeared next, throwing a worried glance at his twin, Riley, who answered his concern with a blank look. Their twin bond and silent communication seemed to have Julian reluctantly leave as Riley wordlessly told him she wanted to be alone. She caught me watching her and sent me a blank look, all the life gone behind her sea-green eyes. My heart filled with despair looking at the lost look in her eyes as the thirteen-year-old marched into the house and never looked back.
And as I stepped through our house, it felt like I had passed a threshold between my old life and the new reality awaiting.
