Life is Wife, Wife is Knife

XXIX

LALISA POV

She loosen the grip

I am coughing so hard, trying to push her away as I'm needing the air so bad but her hold remain firm and watch how I catch my breath like I was about to die

I thought I was

Her eyes that seems very mad. She hurt me again yet I am blaming myself of why she acted that way, like a complete stranger with so much hatred in her heart.

I did this, she did nothing but to be a good girlfriend and here I am, lying infront of her face.

Hurting her more than how I feel, she must've snapped as to why am I breaking up so sudden. She was just mentioning to me everyday of how much she loves me more than she love herself. That I am her world. That I am her everything.

"Enough with your charade I am tired of your bullshit. From now on there is no mask, you'll see the real person you are committed with.  Evil or not you're not getting away from me!!" she shouted in my face.

I cried even more, so terrified, I watch how the vein in her neck almost explode from the madness, how her eyes darkening and how she spoke is so frightening

"You're hurting me-"

"YES!" she cut me "I'll hurt you! What you have just said was more than painful! You could've just slap me, Lalisa! You could've just push me on the rooftop! I did nothing but to understand you! I did nothing but to look like a fucking dog complying with your shitty rules, obey you all the goddamn time. A fucking dog waiting to pet her head! Do you know how insulting it was for me, Lalisa!!?" she was burning, her mental state was bordered in madness.

But, she was right. I am the one ruling this relationship, controlling when and where we could act real lovebirds and I know I am hurting her.

One word and she would comply, I always win in our argument when I knew for sure she was just letting me and that she just love me that much.

She was right all the time and that she has the right to be mad and hurt me. It was my fault, I am at fault. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way

Guess I would listen to my heart for now.. until I can't hold it anymore

Sobbing, I take my moment enveloping my arms around her neck. I hug her and cried uncontrollably in the very crook, choking in the process

"I'm.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry love, I'm sorry.. " I cried

She hugged me back. Her embrace was more tighter than mine like she was telling me that I don't have a choice but to be in her arms whatever 

"Save it if you still wanted a break up" she spoke, now with a little softness but the anger was still igniting

I shake my head "I'm scared.. Jennie I think Mom knew there was something between us. I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you.. " I sobbed hard

"I don't want to break up with you, I'm just so stressed about my mother, I don't know what to do anymore. She'll threw me out, Jennie.. " I sobbed again remembering my mother's words every chance she got whenever I'm using my phone or seeing Jennie bringing me home

She's just rubbing my back, kissing my shoulder a few times "This is just the only way I know.. I'm so sorry"I said to her

"Breaking up with me would just make the situation worse. I'm confused as to why do you need to end everything between us when anything you wanted to happen is what I am following" then she brush my hair with her fingertips

"If she kicked you out I'll pick you up. Trust me Lalisa, I got you and I would never leave you"

I shake my head "I don't have the nerve to be independent, Jennie. I don't even know how to cook for myself, I even asked her sometimes to do my laundry, still the one providing my living... God, I'm so messed up" I said pulling away my face from her shoulder.