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I ended up going back to sleep that night trying to forget all about the conversation. nonetheless, I had a dream about him. it was sort of like a little memory from when we were younger and we would play out in the yard. I woke up to my alarm and wanted to stay in bed but then I realized that if I wanted to forget about him I had to get my shit together. as much as it pained me to get out of bed, I got up and got dressed. I went out into the bathroom and finished up in there and went to go grab some cereal from the kitchen.

eli: it's.. gonna be a good day! i'll make it a good day!
andy: arely!

I looked up to see andy waving and running towards me

eli: goodmorning
andy: are you in a better mood today? if not i'll give you your space, I understand

I wasn't in the BEST mood, who would be — but i had to start being nicer to my peers again.. or whatever i was to them before. hanging out with other friends would be the first step in forgetting kairi

eli: you're good, wanna walk to class?

his eyes seemed to light up

andy: yeah, sure!

I chuckled

eli: let me just get my bag

I walked back to my dorm, grabbed my backpack and walked back out to andy.

andy: so.. I actually came over to tell you that dylan told me, to tell you that he wants to talk to you..

here is the problem, it's hard to be nice to people who are ignorant and annoying

eli: so.. you don't wanna hang out?
andy: w-what? no! I mean yes! yes, I do wanna hang out with you! the plan was just to tell you that, but I don't mind hanging out with you!
eli: alrighty

we walked into class and dylan was slouched back on his chair, he saw me and immediately stood up

dylan: um arely?
eli: what
dylan: can we talk
eli: are we not doing so already?
dylan: r-right so uh..

kairis pov:

even after the planes departure, my heart had already been broken in a million pieces. seeing my aunt, uncle, my dad, and my one true love cry, without getting to say a proper goodbye... it broke me.. in ways I didn't even know were possible. my body physically felt weak, I didn't want to speak, I closed my eyes on the plane and didn't want to open them up ever again. I wanted to be in complete silence, the type of silence where you can't even hear the static in the air. after hours of being on the plane we had finally arrived in California. we took a cab to my grandparents' house and I guess we were staying there for the night. I was in the room taking some stuff out of my suitcase

aya: ...kairi..

leave me the fuck alone, bitch

aya: listen.. what I did was.. not okay, in any way. I was mad and I let the issues of your father and I get the best of me and I want to apologize for my cruel behavior towards you. i'm going to be taking classes for my anger issues. I will never lay my hands on you ever again, i'm ashamed of what I did to you and I don't expect you to forgive me for them. but I hope we can get a fresh start now..

if this long faced bitch don't get out of the room-

kairi: yeah.. okay..

my mom softly smiled and gave me a hug, though I didn't give her one in return. she left the room and then my phone went off. it was arely, my heart skipped a beat and I dived onto the bed getting my phone. I was going to answer but my finger stopped halfway.

grandma: kairi! come eat!
kairi: uh... yeah! yeah.. I-i'm going!

I bit my lip worried, I set my phone down and walked downstairs. the rest of the week it was basically the same situation.

"kai please answer" "kai im worried about you, please just let me know you're okay" "omg did you die?" "oh.. that question was... CAN YOU JUST ANSWER??"

I ignored her.. why? because I knew deep down it would only hurt her as well as me. it was better if we both forgot eachother.. then maybe one day when I go back.. I wont have to live with these feelings.. the feelings of being in love with my best friend.. or — soon to be ex best friend..

kairi: should I just call... ah.. whatever

I ended up calling her phone and realized it was about 2 am for her in japan, I was going to end the call but then I heard her pick up

eli: kairi-

her voice always made my heart race, that much didn't change.

kairi: ...

I wanted to get this over with so I got straight to the point.

eli: kai-
kairi: stop messaging me, arely. forget about me, live your life as if we never met.

she paused for a second

eli: what? where is this coming from?
kairi: i just don't want you to be hurting
eli: so you think me hearing that from my best friend of 16 years is going to make me "stop hurting"

what am I doing..

kairi: I was hoping you'd get mad at me for it, and then forget about me
eli: kairi, you can't be serious
kairi: well, I am.

no, i'm not!

eli: how the hell am I supposed to forget you? I-

she sighed

eli: kairi i love you. more than a friend, i'm in love with you and i'm mad at myself because I never had the courage to tell you when you were here.

my face got so hot and I felt as though my heart was going to jump out of my chest. all these years I held back on telling her how I felt because I was afraid to ruin things.. now that i've moved and planned on losing these feelings, she tells me she loves me?!

kairi: I.. i'm in love with you too, arely.. ever since we were kids.. even when we were just 5, I knew I was in love with every part of you.

I figured the best way to move on was to tell her how I felt.

eli: and you just expect me to forget you?
kairi: ..you're not making this much easier..
eli: we can work out long distance, I-I'll wait for you-
kairi: I don't want you waiting around for me.. I don't want you waiting too long..
eli: I don't care how long I have to wait! i'll wait for you, kairi! I will! I promise I will!

my heart was aching from the pain and sorrow in her voice, the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her.. now here we are..

kairi: im sorry... I love you.
eli: kair-

I hung up and covered my face, trying hard to hold back the tears but they kept rushing down, uncontrollably.

tell me why my dog just fucking RIPPED ASS IN MY FACE. I hate this mf bruh, ima sell him on etsy or some shit idk

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