TW: LOTS of swearing
[shuri and Tchalla arrive at the avengers tower, shuri bursts into Peters room]
Peter : Who da FUCK are you?
Shuri : They told me I would find the spider ling in here.
[pause]
Shuri : WHERE IS HE
[She begins trashing Peter's room]
Shuri : WHERE IS THE SPIDER????
W H E R E
Peter : Me! It's me bro what the fuck?!
[Shuri calms down]
Shuri : cool wassup my g
Peter : ...... What?
Shuri : it's a thing I learned from my British friends. I'm learning how to speak roadman.
Peter : ....... I'm not even gonna ask what a roadman is.
---------------------------------------------------------
[Tchalla is having a respectable dinner with the avengers. Shuri and Peter run in.]
Shuri : GIVE ME THE CHEESE
Peter : NEVER!!!!
Shuri : YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. I'LL DIE WITHOUT MY CHEESE!!!
Peter : ITS MY CHEESE, I FOUND IT. FINDERS KEEPERS
Shuri : IM LACTOSE INTOLERENT!!!
Peter : THEN YOU DON'T NEED THE CHEESE!!!!
Shuri : NO I NEED IT
Peter : I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMART
Shuri : AYE BUT NOT WHEN IT COMES TO CHEESE
[Tchalla faceplants. Tony dies on the inside. Steve looks confused. Bruce is a little green, but it's only guacamole so it's ok. Natasha looks bored.]
Peter : YIELD YOUR WEAPONS PUNY MORTALS
Shuri : PUT DOWN THE FORK STEEB
[Steve hesitates]
Shuri : [Screams] PUT IT D O W N
Steve : Ok ok! Geez what's going on with you two.
Peter : DO NOT ASK ME OF MY REASONS I YEET THE BRO OFF THE CAROUSEL BECAUSE OF THE BABY TURTLES IN THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD.
Shuri : Calm down Peter.
Peter : THE BABY TURTLES THOUGH!!!
Shuri : [shushing him] the baby turtles will be ok.
Peter : NO THEY WONT. GRETA THUNBURG IS RIGHT. HOW DARE YOU????!!!
Shuri : say goodnight now Peter, its time for beddy byes.
Peter : [sniffs] Ok.
Shuri : [singing] the time has come to say goodnight, to say goodnight to the morning light.
[they walk off. Leaving the very confused avengers.]
Tony : What. The. Fuck.
---------------------------------------------------------
[Shuri enters with nerf guns. Peter is sitting on the couch.]
Shuri : I HAVE A GUN
Peter : NOOOOO don't kill me!!!
Shuri : TOO BAD YOU UNDERCOOKED MOZERELLA STICK!!!
[She shoots Peter]
Peter : Oh no I've been shit in the face I want to D I E
Shuri : do you mean shot?
Peter : yes but the author is using her phone and it auto corrected.
Shuri : damn you author.
Me : I'M SORRY
shuri : [shaking her head] shame on you
Peter : S H A M E
Me : *dies*
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm sorry.
*yeets out of window*
I'm learning Russian on duolingo.
Это Анна со мной том
I don't know why, I felt like it -
Happy Irondadhugsday!
(It happens every Saturday because we need more hugs)
YOU ARE READING
Spiderman/Peter Parker Oneshots
FanfictionOneshots of spiderman aka Peter parker in his spidery world. Sometimes i get stuck, so don't be afraid to request! Contains: -Field trips -Instagram -wrong number -soulstone -irondad -avengers -fluff -a truckload of angst All rights go to marvel :D
