Nursery

15

The school was just as I remembered it. Classroom doors were decorated for fall, bringing warm colors and leaves. My mom would have loved it. Fall was her favorite season.

I sighed as Alex opened the door to my new classroom. Bright lights hit my eyes, causing me to squint.

I didn't want to go in but I had no choice. Plus, I knew if I didn't go in, my anxiety wouldn't go away. And it would have been for nothing.

I followed him and stayed near the door, watching past his pant leg as he talked to the teacher. I couldn't see her from where I was but I heard her voice and recognized it immediately.

I stepped out from Alex and looked up at her. Her dark hair was braided down her back, revealing deep brown eyes and a bright smile. Her yellow top was warm and inviting and made me feel at ease. If only slightly.

"Hi, sweetheart. Do you want to go play while we talk?" She knelt down in front of me, getting to my height. I would have been insulted except everyone was now a lot taller than they used to be. It made me feel less small.

I didn't really want to play but I knew I needed to be involved in the class if I was going to fit in and make friends. That had always been my mistake in my last two classrooms. But if I'd have known I wouldn't see mom for who knows how long, I would have lingered longer.

I nodded and glanced around the room. The kids were all my size or bigger. I was probably the smallest one in the class and it made sense. I was a baby. An official baby. I was never going to get bigger or older or change in any way. Except for maybe a haircut.

The classroom was smaller than the others I'd been in. There were rugs all over the room, hiding the tiled floor. The shelves held different toys ranging from blocks to cars and trucks to trains though all were big enough that no one could swallow them. Kids didn't have the common sense not to know they could choke and die from eating a toy that small. Kids were stupid.

I saw a bin full of crayons and a stack of paper beside a teacher's desk across the room and knew I'd make it through the day. Maybe Ms. Diane knew I'd need it on my first day back.

She helped me take off my coat then stood back up to her full height. I took that as my turn to go investigate.

I walked to the coloring supplies and was looking through the coloring pages to see what I wanted to color when another teacher walked up to me, one I didn't know.

"Hi, sweetie. Do you want to color?"

I looked up at her and nodded. She was young, probably around Alex's age. She had bright red hair and green eyes. She had red lipstick on that made her teeth look extra white.

She knelt down beside me and looked at the papers. "Do you know what you want to color?"

I shook my head.

She pulled a sheet out that had fall leaves on it. It was a simple picture and easy for anyone 'my age' to color without much difficulty. "How about this?"

I nodded.

"Grab some crayons and meet me at the table."

I picked up one of each color and went to the table where the teacher was. She was sitting at the table which meant she was going to watch me color rather than let me do it on my own. It was one of those classrooms. Either that or she knew of my... situation and was trying to overcompensate.

I set my bunny on the table beside me and picked up one of the crayons. I couldn't hold it between my fingers like I used to and it caused a deep frown to set on my face. I was worried about losing myself when I started accepting some of the changes I had to make when my parents first brought me to Alpine. I knew I had to try to fit in but I hated the thought of forgetting things. Of forgetting who I was before. Now... that terrified me.

I gripped the crayon with my fist and tried my hardest to stay inside the lines. I didn't want to succumb to being a baby if I could help it. Not yet, anyway.

Alex walked over and knelt down beside me. He rested his hand on the back of my chair. "I have to get to work. Try to be good today."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm always good."

The teacher beside me laughed.

"I mean it, Lyla. I don't want any phone calls that you've been throwing crayons at people."

My lip twitched at the memory. "Whatever."

He sighed and looked at the teacher. "Keep an eye on her. She has a bit of a mouth."

"He's lying." I said, glaring at him as he headed for the door.

The teacher rubbed my arm. "Your daddy's only looking out for you. He wants to make sure you're on your best behavior."

I propped my head on my hand as I continued coloring. My throat got tight as I thought of her words.

Your daddy.

Alex would never be my dad.