Same Eternal Pattern

CHAPTER 23

Today's the first time I'm seeing Louis since he broke up with me. I've been all day long preparing myself mentally for it, nonetheless I haven't gotten yet to get rid of the weird pressure on my chest just by the mere idea of it. I've been telling myself I'm going to be fine, that it's going to be a fast rehearsal, but that's not the truth. This is just the beginning. I could pretend that I don't care about seeing him every damn day, but that wouldn't be the truth either. It's not just seeing him; it's singing with him, sharing the same friends... I don't even know what I'm going to do. All I know is that I'm going to try my best to hide he broke me. I'm not giving him that power over me, even if he already has all of it.

Niall has been in contact with me all weekend to make sure I was fine, and he even insisted that he won't leave me alone during rehearsals.

When I get to the door of the building, Niall is already there. I greet him with a quick hug, and he palms my back in a comforting way.

-Niall, I don't want to make a big deal out of this. Just pretend that you know nothing, that nothing happened. -I tell him.

-Ok. -He nods but his eyes are looking at me with a mix of sadness and pithiness I can't bear.

I turn around to look at him again as we walk inside. I raise the index finger to make a statement.

-That look. - I point to his face. -Delete it. I'm good. Never been better.

-Are you sure you're fine? -Niall asks me.

- I'm not perfect. But Louis doesn't have to know.

-I get it. -Niall nods biting his bottom lip.

I wasn't expecting today to be a good day, but it surprises me the fact that it doesn't take long to start everything to go to shit when we see Martin in the hallway as Niall and I get inside.

-Hi, guys! -Martin says as he walks closer to us. -How are you? I would like to talk to Harry alone, if you don't mind Niall...-Martin looks at Niall waiting for him to take the hint, nevertheless, Niall dares to turn to me to see if I agree to be left alone with him. I nod slightly and Niall gets in the rehearsal's room.

-What do you want? - I ask him bluntly. I didn't want to spend more time than the necessary with him after our last encounter.

Martin seems to get my discomfort for being here with him but all he does is lean against the wall and his face shows an obvious fake sad smile.

-Louis told me you two broke up. -He clicks his tongue after he says that but I don't really pay too much attention to his reaction because his words leave me feeling bewildered.

Why would Louis do such thing? Why Martin among all the people in the fucking world? The questions run free through my mind. My breathing accelerates but I try my best to keep myself unaltered, however, the twitch in my mouth is unavoidable.

-I just wanted to know if you were alright. -He smiles at me in a way that I know he's being two-faced.

-I'm alright, thanks for your concern. -I sound clearly ironic but right now, I don't even care. I start walking towards the door trying to finish the conversation. But Martin has other plans and he follows me.

-I've chosen the new songs for all of you. I've already given the list to the boys. -He tilts his head towards the rehearsal's room. -I hope this one suits you a little bit better. -I nod at him avoiding eye-contact -Oh, and one more thing. - I turn around to see him one more time when I am about to open the door. - I've listened to your demo. It's not bad. I will think about it.

Once he says that, he disappears through one of the doors and he leaves me standing there, my hand hanging on the doorknob and my full body almost shaking. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. Did he just say he would considerate my song? What has changed? I spend some time standing there, trying to process everything. When I get self-conscious of the times passed, I try to move on from my thoughts and I do my best to get in the second phase of this fucking play. I breathe in and I open the door without overthinking it.