I cried a lot the following days. The indescribable pain of hurting someone I care about and leaving them in the middle of it, hung over me like a heavy blanket and I couldn't shake it. I didn't want to shake it. I deserved to feel like this. I had done something awful, selfish and disappointing. My phone had been turned off since that night. I've been at the loft with Taehyung every second since I left my apartment, he's been there for me while evidently trying not to hover. Keeping a distance, but making sure I knew he was there.
We barely knew each other and I don't have it in me to give in to the way my mind is screaming for me to touch him, to use him to heal my pain. I don't feel like I deserve his kindness. It's been three days of sitting silently in the beautiful bedroom staring into nothingness. Until Taehyung expressed worry about me not moving, so I moved out into the living area and sat in front of the window staring at the people walking nowhere, we were so high up that it was like reality was standing still in front of me.
"It's like a painting, it's even far enough away for the movement to look like brush strokes" I commented quietly as he sat down on the floor next to me in front of the window, handing me a cup of hot tea.
"You've been sitting so still in front of this window today, I could say the same about you. With the frame of the window almost making you look like one of the paintings covering the walls of this place."
I looked away from the streets to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry. I know you came all this way to meet me and hanging out with me while I'm in my depressing circle of self pity was probably not on your to-do list this week. I wish I wasn't like this"
"This.." Taehyung gestured with his hands around us. "..is our reality. This is what we've got to work with in this life. Don't apologise to me for being yourself and choosing to live your own life. I've known you for what like not even a week and I already know I admire your strength."
"Let's use your comparison of a painting from before" He continued. "A painting?" I asked.
"Yes, so imagine a painting, it could be old it could be new, it could hang in your grandmas kitchen or in a gallery in France. It is full of people. Different people, doing different things, looking in different directions. But what they all have in common is that they were all gathered to be in the painting. Either from a picture or maybe someone made them up. They can all have different backgrounds, different lives. But they will always have that in common. Someone or something made it possible for them all to gather in this painting. And no matter what happens, they will always be exactly that, in the painting."
"That's what you think the soulmate connection is?"
"Well yeah, I think our bond is the frame of the painting. Our minds the people, and the universe the painter. And we can do what ever we want, as the world within the frame is beyond what you can see, it is both future and past, old and new, difficult and easy. But you just know that you're together within the frame. It's like a safety procedure given to those who need someone as well as themselves to count on. Physical affection is optional you know, sex and bodily intimacy isn't necessary after the initial meeting. Soulmates can coexist without being romantically or sexually involved."
I scoffed and shook my head at him, finally managing to look away.
"What was that for?" He asked, puzzled.
"I'm sure it's not necessary but that doesn't stop the connection from doing what it's doing"
"And what exactly is it doing?" I could hear the smile on Taehyung's face without even looking at him.
I don't beat around the bush, I looked up at him again. "I guess this might go down as another side effect of being an inexperienced soulmate or something but this.." I motioned between us. "You and me, I've never felt the urge to be close to someone like this ever in my life. Like not even when I was a child and got hurt and needed my mom for comfort or as a safe haven. My body is screaming for me to touch you, to see you. I relax when I smell your cologne if you've been out of the room for more than a minute. I feel out of control about everything and somehow my body is like 'yeah that's cool, let's just let it happen'" I sipped my tea to gather my thoughts before I continued.
"I feel like a terrible person for leaving Martin. For hurting a man who's been nothing but nice to me and who I l... lo.. loved." I sighed. "But then I take one glance at you and it all goes away, and somehow I keep almost convincing myself that that makes it okay. Because of the silence. The peace of mind and how content I feel around you, is like a fresh breath in a forest fire. But right now I feel like I deserve to burn for a while longer."
Taehyung didn't say anything for a long while. We just sat there staring at each other, sipping tea occasionally to get a distraction from the weird mood hovering above us. When I finished my tea and sat the cup down on the floor, he did the same before he leaped towards me and wrapped me in a hug. I was caught by surprise and we both fell backwards to the floor.
"Why are you hugging me?"
"I don't want you to burn"
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Complete us - A BTS ot7+1 Soulmate story.Fanfiction
Hannah did not believe the stories about soulmates were real, but how else can she explain how she woke up on her 20th birthday with a soul mark and seven different voices in her head?