My Secret Marriage

chapter 80

Sadhvi's pov:

I suddenly felt a beam of brightest light falling on me......

I opened my eyes lazily.......

I saw mornings light directly falling on me.
Oh my god......am I late today?

How will I manage all the works?

I should get ready for college as well as prepare food at least.God knows how I can do all that in this short time.

Just then I saw bowls places on a table in balcony,the peonies.....

Realization dawned upon me.

My heart ached......how all my plans destroyed yesterday , how I was helplessly crying.

I felt wetness on my cheeks.
I raised my hands to rub them off......but as soon as I do that fresh tears kept on flowing from my eyes.

Why am I crying?

I am looking pathetic to myself.......or am I so desperate for the husband's love?

Author's pov:

A girl.......that to an average looking one, people called her names like fatty,blacky......they bullied her even though it was not a physical one ,it effected her a lot.....she knows it.
Even her parents never tried to talk to her......and then suddenly like a fairytale she gets married to the handsome guy she was crushing on.
She felt like winning the whole world.......may be she over estimated herself, how will he love her when she is no where near beautiful .
But when he kissed her, she thought he likes her.......may be he do, but it is like.....when all  she wants is love......but now her confidence to have a happy marriage and all the dreams she was having was slipping of her hands.
May be it was never hers.....

Only she.....she became greedy and tried to hold it when it wasn't hers.

She can never have a fairytale ending.

Those were for the beautiful girls ......not for her.

Her appearance is like complete opposite to the one which our society feels ideal.
Even though she was not dark just tanned ,not fat and also not thin ......people still called her that.......

They said those words so many times at many instances.

They broke the small little girls with many dreams with their insensitive words.
Their words were engraved in that girls  mind that they never let her off.....they make her weak.

They made her insecure of herself ......

When ever she feels hurt......these words repeat in her mind like a broken recorder and brokers her further into million pieces.

Now she was feeling helpless......lonely.....

She doesn't know what to do.

The hope she was holding on to for the past few months was now disappearing into thin air.

Her heart is aching for his love......

She want him to hold her.

She want him to make her feel better.

She want him to shower love on her.....which she lacked most of her life.

She want to be with him without any inhibitions.

She want to be like the real her.......who does not want to think twice before speaking her mind......and still have confidence that he will stick together with her.

She want to shower all the love and affection she has on him.....

She want to accompany him in their old  age.

But.......

But now these thoughts were just brings tears into her eyes.....

They are triggering her.

All the dreams she was having was now........
It's like they will be gone forever in few more days.
And she will just sit there helplessly and being not able to do anything.

She was a crying mess.
All her insecuries were kicking in which was not helping the situation at all.

She feels she was the one at fault.....her wishful thinking was the one at fault.

It was not his fault......

Her heart was blaming him for my current situation.......her heart ache.

And her brain was taunting her continuously.....
It was not his fault.
It was all her fault.

Her bloody fault.......she was being greedy......her wishful thinking which she do not deserve.

Sadhvi's pov:

Yeah.....i doesn't deserve any of this.

I should stop being greedy......

I should just resign to my fate.

I sighed and got up from the sofa.

It was already 7:45

I think we will be late today.

I was now hesitant to go inside bedroom.

What if he asks me why I slept there?
What will I answer?

I apprehensively took steps forward to the bedroom.
I heaved a sigh in relief as I did not see him there.

I slapped my forehead.....

How did I forget that he wents to gym daily morning.

I quickly went to bathroom.
Did my morning chores and had a quick bath and dressed into my casual
pastel pink kurthi with white pants.

After my braiding session I went to kitchen......

As I was passing through living room,I saw him sitting on the sofa.

He was reading a newspaper.

I am feeling hungry.......may be because I have not eaten yesterday.

As there was not much time left yet, I just toasted bread and here's some milk for him.

As I served them on the table I saw him walking to the dining room still buttoning his cuffs.

I just stayed quite and sat on my usual place.

We had our breakfast quitely and then started our journey to college.

I can hear my breathing sounds.....it was that quite but I have decided already.......
I should just stay quite and do my work.

I should not hope for the beautiful things.....

I got out of the car as soon as the car stopped.

As it was already late, I directly went to hospital.

Today was my first day of emergency medicine posting.

I heard it will be quite hectic and also very busy as we have to help interns there in the trivial stuffs like dressing and all.

I though it will be a good distraction for me from all the personal things.

I should just concentrate on studies for now as he was doing the same.

Yeah......even though I may not be happy , I can atleast save myself from the heartbreak.

****

Hey my deary readers......

Sorry for the late updates.

I want to thank all who were concerned about my well being. I am totally fine....it's just I am busy with other works that I am not getting enough time to write.

But I will try my best to update.
Hope you guys are also well.....