Luna

Chapter fourteen

Almost two weeks have passed by.

I have had two more sessions with Alex, which were brutal. We are slowly digging deeper and deeper into my years with Nick. 

The first sessions were manly about how I was feeling, how I experienced my emotional numbness a couple of days ago. 

I told her how I'm scared to be alone, that my brothers' presence keeps the swallowing darkness within me at ease. 

I explained to her how they give me a safe feeling, even in my unconscious state, how they stop my spiralling thoughts and so much more.

And even though it's hard to open up, I'm trying my best. Alex makes it less tough because she gives me the feeling I can trust her. She also lets me decide the pace of the sessions, which makes her a very patient woman.

The second session we worked on how to handle panic attacks, self-destructing thoughts and how to rightly process my past. 

I suspect it was preparatory work for the coming weeks, because from today the hard work is really going to start.

The previous topics are child's play if you compare it to reliving the abuse and talk about it instead of hiding your feelings away.

A hand squeezed lightly in my shoulder, bringing me back to reality. I look up to see Kayden standing behind me.

He must have noticed me standing before the living room door looking like a nervous wreck. I was gathering all my courage together to face Alex. 

"You will be okay Luna, you don't have to talk about it if you're not ready for it. Remember, you choose the pace of the sessions," he tried to reassure me.

It's not that I don't want to get better, but the thought of remembering everything he did to me, terrifies me.

"I know, I was just preparing myself for what's to come."

He sighed and placed a kiss on my head.

"I'm proud of you, you're the strongest person in the world," Kayden smiled softly.

I very much doubt that, a strong person wouldn't be afraid to be alone or to talk about the past.

I gave myself an ultimatum, I will count to ten, and then I will face my inner demons. 

I opened the door and greeted Alex. 

"Hello Luna, how are you?" 

"Nervous."

"That's normal, but I'm sure you will fight through it. I want to remind you that you don't have to force yourself to talk, we have plenty of time," Alex explained me. 

I had to do it today, if I waited any longer, I wouldn't have the courage anymore. I reminded myself why I was doing this, for my brothers and for myself. 

She started simple, asking me when he started his abuse. Every question got harder to answer, and before I knew it tears formed in my eyes.

She reassured me that showing my emotions was nothing to be ashamed of, it only made me stronger.

But then we reached the subject which I was dreading the most.

His unwanted and forced touches. 

I told her how he dragged me to his room, how I would fight him with everything I had, but stopped when I realized it would be useless.

Bile rose in my throat with every word I said, his touch made me physically ill.

I was talking till I couldn't any more due to the uncontrollable sobs that escaped my mouth.