Sweet-tooth ~{Karlnap romance AU}~

Guilt and Gummies

WARNING! Without spoiling things, there is major angst in this chapter, along with some heavy topics/themes. Please be careful, and if you are struggling please reach out to professionals for help. Skip to the end for a recap!

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Karl finally calmed himself. He was settled in Dreams armed as he gently ran his fingers through his hair.

"Karl. You need to fix this. I know you need to calm down first, but you need to fix this," Karls nodded and gently wiped a tear from his face, pulling himself up.

"What do I do? I can hardly remember what I did, how am I supposed to make it better?" 

"I can't do that for you, Karl. Talk to Sapnap. Start with apologizing. What you did was wrong, plain and simple," Karl nodded again, his body flooding with regret.

"Wait, how do you know what happened?" He asked, turning to face Dream.

"I asked Sapnap. He just left a few minutes ago," 

"Dammit! How long have we been here?" 

"30 - 40 minutes? Everyones streaming upstairs, so don't worry too much. Call Sapnap when he gets home and deal with it then. It'll be okay, alright?"

"What if it's not, Dream?"

"Then you move on,"

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TW: Implications of Suicide, Bad Habits/Negative Thinking

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The rest of the weekend was a blur. Karl could never bring himself to call Nick, and the guilt just ate at him the longer he waited. The day after Nick left, people gathered their things as well and headed home. Karl didn't really care, he felt he deserved to be alone after what he'd done. Soon enough the house was empty. He felt himself drowning in the silence, the days blending. He ignored calls from his friends, messages from Twitter, completely shutting himself out. But he never heard from Nick.

Life melted to a blur of guilt and shame. He fell into a pattern of sleeping for too long, then staying up for too long and not taking care of himself,  and then sleeping for longer. His fans had started to wonder where he was, along with his friends who messaged him daily asking for updates.

He finally let people know he was okay with a simple tweet.

"Sorry I haven't been active everyone! had some stuff to deal with, might not be back for a bit, v sorry :C"

He hoped the simple tweet would reasure people he was alright, which he wasn't. And it did for the most part. The majority of replies were people hoping he got better or telling him to take all the time he needed, but it was the few tweets that blamed him for being lazy or insulted him that got to him. He had never cared about hate before, but this time he let the messages consume him. 

He had visited the lake almost every day since his friends left. He would drive down the winding road and sit on the bench watching the sun. The cold chilled him every time, but he didn't care. He deserved it. While he sat, he would watch as the waves lapped on the mud, splashing the plants that grew along the edge and lightly pulling the small stones that would be pushed back with the next wave. Admiring the water, he wondered what it would be like to be swallowed by a wave, the cold water covering him with a comforting blanket. What it would be like to be fully consumed in silence.

The day finally came when he stood in the water. When he arrived that day he had been awake for well over a full day, and instead of going to the bench, he went straight to the edge of the water. He stood in the mud for a moment and took off his shoes and socks, tossing them to the side and his toes squished in the silt, his heels sinking slightly. He slowly stepped closer and felt the freezing water nipping at his ankles. The cold stung, but Karl kept telling himself that he deserved it. He deserved every bit of pain he had to feel. When the stinging subsided, he took a few more steps, letting the water rise to his calves. He held up the edge of his pants, careful to not let them touch the water. Standing in the shifting mud, he just appreciated the cold sting that sent shivers up his body. 

He did this routine for a week or two, each time stepping slightly deeper, eventually not caring that his pants got wet. He would step out into the water, the water coming up to the middle of his thigh, and feel his whole body freeze up for way too long, and then would drive home. 

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MAJOR TW: READ WITH CAUTION!

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But today was the day. His health was deteriorating. He didn't eat, he hardly drank, and he slept all day, completely shutting himself off. He felt pointless. How could anyone care about someone so terrible? And today he didn't want to be terrible anymore. 

He made sure to prepare a lengthy letter on his phone, keeping it open and unlocked in his notes app. He brought his classic sweater that could be easily recognized and headed to the lake for one last time. Tears fell silently from his face as he drove along the road he had memorized. He smiled weakly the whole time, but tears streamed down. Finally arriving, he stepped out of the car and took a deep breath of spring air, the sweet smell filling his lungs. He stepped over the bench, the rough gravel crunching beneath his shoes. He laid the purple color block hoodie out on the bench, laying his phone and keys along with them. Slipping off his shoes and socks, he added them to the pile and turned to walk toward the water.

It was colder than usual today, which felt fitting with his mood. He once again felt the comforting sting of the freezing water pinch at his feet, but he didn't wait to adjust this time. He started to walk fully into the water, shivering violently when he went past the normal point and the water rose to his hips. He felt the familiar squish of mud on his feet and the slightly sour stench of the water as it rose further to his stomach. Pausing there for a moment, he looked up at the morning sky. He had actually woken up at a normal time this morning, but it didn't change his plan. His breath hitched as it reached the bottom of his ribs, but he continued walking, pushing against the mass of the water. 

He gasped as the water reached his neck, barely splashing his chin as he held up his head. He could feel the water soaking into his hands and the freezing water numbed his entire body. The cold felt good to him as he sat there, taking shaky breaths a smiling softly. 

Letting all the air out of his lungs, he finally took another step. The water splashed over his head and tangled in his hair. His eyes burned from the slight acidity, and he started to feel the pinch in his lungs and he forced himself to push further into the water. He scrunched his face against the cold, and his throat began to pinch as he started to sink further into the silt, his arms completely losing feeling as they floated into the murky water. Feeling the pressure, he instinctively gasped, taking in a large breath of water, making his whole body convulse from the bottom of the lake. He started to panic, his body contracting and losing feeling and he started to float slightly and his head span. He thrashed in the water, trying both to stay under and swim up to the surface, and he fought with his instincts to hold himself down. The water splashed around him and he couldn't see, the world was closing and he couldn't feel anything, and something held onto his arms. The top of his hair felt the cool of the morning air, and he fought to stay under, in complete and total pain.

And then,

Nothing.

The world went black.

Edited

1348 Words

A/N Sorry to toss all the sudden angst on you! If you skipped the chapter, essentially Karl had a su1c1d3 attempt out of guilt, and it appears to be successful. 

I in no way mean to give the perpetrators of sexual assault some sort of victim card with writing this, I wanted to write something from a different perspective of this kind of situation, so please don't take it as me excusing those kinds of actions!