More To Him (LokixReader)

Chapter 27

》Loki's POV

The feelings inside me were like a never ending storm howling in my ears, my core thundering against my chest, breaking and slashing through the wind of my thoughts.

I hate myself and my big mouth. I hate how I'm reminded of my mistake, how I'm reminded of my lies and tricks. I am constantly reminded of who I've become, the thing I grew up hating, the thing I was taught to hate. I can't escape who I've become and the truth of what my lies have slowly made of my reality.

I wonder when did my feelings start? When did I start to care?

Back in New York, when I tried to take over Earth, Y/N was just another victim of my cruelty and anger. She meant nothing to me, she was nothing at all. I didn't care for whatever happened to her, but why did I end up caring?

When Y/N came here, I thought all I had to do was use her to get to my goal by compensating her by finding a cure for what was going on with her. So why did my goal change?

Now I don't want it. I don't want my freedom. Not if it means she'll be gone once this is all over.

When I saw her protect me with no hesitation, I found it surprising that she cared enough to keep me alive, but in reality I know she only did it to keep my end of the deal. So I decided to let it go.

When she cried in my arms because she was afraid of what she was becoming, I felt my soul ignite with a need to help her and console her and hold her. I wanted to take her fears away, I wanted to make her smile, I wanted her to know that nothing bad would ever happen. But why did it matter to me?

When I first kissed her I wanted her to forget her fear. I wanted to distract her from thinking of what might be, to stop her for just a minute and make her feel alive again. It was the very first time I ever wanted to make someone happy with no intentions of gaining something back. All I wanted was to see her happy and energetic like her usual self. I wanted her to nag me to help me, to wake me up in the mornings by bickering and being snarky, I wanted to hear her talk fondly of her life in Earth.

When mother asked me to keep a promise of following my heart, I didn't understand what she meant until I saw Y/N again. I didn't know what she meant until Y/N asked me to play a game. I didn't think of my promise until Y/N told me I wasn't a monster. I didn't care to keep the promise until Y/N gave me the reasons why I wasn't a monster, until she told me she trusted me, until she looked into my eyes with sincerity, until our lips were locked together, molded perfectly as we both savored every second of that kiss.

I told Thor how I felt, how I truly felt and for once it downed upon me that for the very first time I wanted someone, that for the first time I felt something for someone, that for the first time someone managed to make me a flustered boy.

But I was afraid.

I was afraid that she wouldn't reciprocate my feelings. I was afraid of my request to her. How could I ask her to consider me an option when I am like the sea, sometimes I'm soft and breezy and sometimes I'm a raging tsunami about to swallow Earth. I'm afraid of hurting her and disappointing her. I'm afraid of falling too deep for her and not being able to get out of the depths of my feelings for her. She's a human, mortal and breakable, while I am a god, immortal and supernatural. She was born to die, while I was born to live for eternity. Y/N gets to live one life while I get to live forever. I hated humans, they meant nothing, I mocked Thor for loving a human girl; and now here I am, trying so hard to not give into what my heart wants: Y/N, a human girl.