Brotherly Love

23. Realisation

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Dante's POV

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I can't do this.

I looked at the run-down warehouse in front of me, I didn't want this, I didn't want to be this body full of anger anymore I fucking hated it.

'They couldn't wait to get rid of you. Why the fuck did I say that to her, I knew it was going to hurt her I saw the pain in her eyes when I said it and I still kept going. That's all I do I don't know when to fucking stop.

I'm a prick.

Getting in my motorbike I start to back away from the warehouse and drive down the empty streets, watching as people walk home and laugh with friends. Some sent me annoyed glances at the noise my motorcycle produced, giving me side-eyes and dirty looks. Noticing their frustration I rev my engine to make it louder and smile when they get more irritated.

Yeah, fuck you too Janet.

I get off my bike and walk into the small flower shop on the side of the shop. It wasn't made up like a lot of other shops it was more subtle but it was much better like that.

"Back again son," Mr Smith said as he flipped over his newspaper.

I just nodded as I walked around the shop, Smith used to be in a Motorcycle gang but left when his old lady died, he never found another love but opened this shop in her honour, apparently, she'd always loved flowers.

"I'm heading to the back, Maria will come out and help you," he said as he limped away.

I carried on walking around before waiting at the counter.

"A bouquet of pink lilies and one rose," Maria asked, well more like stated, as she walked out.

"You know me too well,"

I rested my chin in my hand and leaned against the counter as I watched her sort out the flowers, her red bracelet hugged her wrist and stood out against her coppery skin tone.

"Can you stop staring at me its distracting," she turned away from me struggling to keep eye contact.

A small smirk sat on my lips, "I'm not staring I'm observing,"

"Well then stop observing me,"

"Can't do that,"

"Why?" She huffed.

"Because I don't want to," She turned to go and get a ribbon to tie the flowers, she was such a perfectionist. And scrunched her nose if frustration when she saw me watching her.

Cute.

Sliding the money over the counter I took the flowers.

"Is there anything else I can get you," she questioned in her professional voice.

"Your number," A small blush grew on her face as she struggled to respond, the bell sounded fro, a distance and she left quickly to go tend to the other customers.

Smith came out with a huge grin on his face, "I want an invitation to the wedding,"

"Yeah, yeah,"

I walked out of the shop, the good mood leaving with me as I left and walked up to the cemetery where all the graveyards sat. Passing them I sat the rose on an empty grave before reaching the one I came here to see.

"Hey mum," I greeted as I sat the lilies down in front of her.

"I'm sorry,"

Sorry for not crying when you died, sorry for wishing it was someone else's mum instead of mine, sorry for being so angry all the time. Sorry for treating Iris so poorly.

I'm sorry about it all.

I sat down in front of her refusing to let the tears fall.

"I'm sorry I stopped visiting," I whispered out.

I can't do this.

"I didn't want - I don't want you to see me get angry. I don't want to be angry anymore."

It's like no one understood me but her and now she's gone when she's the one person I need the most.

It's so draining being angry all the time, I'm tired. I don't like making people feel like shit. It's like anger is the only emotion I know how to express. Everything else is shackled down deep inside me and I want to let it out but I can't.

I want to cry but my eyes are dry, I want to scream but my cries are silenced, it's like there's nothing left for me to feel. I just have to sit here and watch as the world moves on without me.

'Soon enough everyone will leave you because you're not good enough for anyone to want to stick around' I remember when those words were said to me so much hatred and venom.

And yet I said that to her.

'You can act as if you belong as if you fit in here but you don't, nobody wants you here," They all laughed as they said that to me, and that fucking hurt.

And I said that to her.

I was just as bad as everyone else because I hurt people who did nothing to me, I hurt Iris when all she wanted was a family. I guess it's true what they say hurt people, hurt people it's a pain that gets passed on, a pattern that's continued and continued.

I'm breaking that fucking chain.

A hand on my shoulder stole me from my thoughts.

Nazaire hugged me as I cried, for the first time in years I cried. I felt so weak but I still did it.

We both sat there and stared at mums grave once I'd finished crying, none of us dared to say anything.

"It's okay to cry," he finally said, "I don't mean go around crying to everyone you meet but we're you're brothers you can cry to us cause if you keep doing what you're doing you are going to lose your mind."

I nodded as I listened, I heard him and I understood him.

But I didn't believe him.

I'd always seen crying as a weakness, and I don't know how long it would take for me to believe otherwise.

"Nazaire," he turned his head to look at me but I just kept looking forwards. "I don't want to be angry anymore."

" I know,"

"I think you should try therapy," I felt him look at me trying to guess how I felt about this.

I didn't want therapy, anything but fucking therapy.

But I nodded anyway. I needed to fix this even if it wasn't for me I needed to try.

So I did.

- x -

Author's Note: I tried, I don't know how you'll feel about this chapter but oh well.