Fire & Ice - A Draco Malfoy fanfiction

Chapter 71 - That's quite hypocritical, don't you think?

It's ok if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire. 

- Colette Werden

The rest of the summer went by rather quickly. I felt a lot better after my birthday. For some reason it had given me fresh air, a new breath of hope to push me through the last two weeks. I felt happier, more content and more relieved. I still thought about the shitty situation we were in on a daily basis, but something told me that everything was going to be okay.

The one problem was that this new mindset had allowed me to look at the situation in a new perspective, with a clear mind and I realised that soon, I'd have to make a decision that would determine the rest of my life.

I knew for a fact that I did not want to live here again after my last school year.

"Here's your coat", Draco said as we were packing our trunks. I smiled as I took it and folded it up to tuck away nicely.

"So, are we going to Diagon Alley later today?" I asked, to which Draco nodded. The Hogwarts Express left tomorrow morning and we had yet again procrastinated getting our books until the very last moment.

"Why are you packing your towels? They have those at Hogwarts, you know?" Draco chuckled. We hadn't had this conversation yet and I felt like it was time to just get it over with.

"I might need it after Hogwarts", I shrugged, not being able to look him in the eyes properly. Draco dropped his things and walked over.

"You can still stay here for a while after school, Ellie. I'm not going to ditch you if that's what you think, whatever happens." He took my hand and pulled me towards him so I had to look at him.

"I know that, Draco", I sighed. "But I don't want to come back here, ever."

"Ever?" he frowned. I nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat.

"After tomorrow, I'm not coming back to Malfoy Manor. Not for Christmas, not for Easter, not for summer break. There's nothing here for me to stay and I don't want anything to do with these people, especially if the war becomes more heated."

"I am here", he said softly, which made my heart break a little.

"I know, I know", I said. "But you're also at Hogwarts. I don't need to come here for any of the breaks to see you. I have plenty of time with you at school."

Draco looked down. I knew that he understood, but it was hard for him to accept.

"It's much safer to be this close than to distance yourself right before the war, Ellie."

"I don't care, to be honest", I chuckled. "If I die I wouldn't even care much, but I can't keep up this act for the rest of my life, I can't! I'm not going to come back here every holiday and act like I don't hate them for what they did!"

"It's okay", Draco said and pulled me into a hug when he noticed that I got worked up. "It's okay." I sighed and let myself calm down in his arms. I needed to be strong about this. I would become deeply unhappy if I stayed in this toxic environment.

"But what about after Hogwarts, Ellie?" Draco asked. "What about me?"

I pulled back and looked at him. He looked sad, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't follow him everywhere. If he wanted to stay in this inner circle then he could do so, but that didn't mean that I had to be.

"That's your choice Draco. I love you, I genuinely love you, but I can't continue making choices about my life for your sake. I'm making this choice for me and you make your own choice. If you choose to remain close to the Dark Lord, then we'll just work something out. I don't have to be in this house with you for us to be together, I can't. I have a life too."