Lifeless / error sequal

11

c h a p t e r  1 1:
n a m e s

I stare at my food. My eyes were half closed and I felt my head aching like crazy. I hadn't slept at all this night, as per usual. Every time I closed my eyes, the scene of the accident came back.

It was always the same memory.

'You good ?'

I look up, giving Evy a small smile.

'Yeah I'm fine' I nod playing with my food a little 'just not hungry.'

'Hey kids' Alyssa sat down besides me. I only smile her way not having enough energy to speak.

The past few days have been rough, I am bearly eating. I cannot stand myself when I do, when I am full I hate myself. I am addicted to the feeling of hunger, I am addicted to punishing myself. A punishment I deserve for causing the death of the person I cared for the most.

Instead of looking at my food, I focus on something Alyssa is saying.

'So are we going tonight?'

'Going where?' I ask in confusion.

Alyssa's eyes are burning with excitement and Evy looks interested as well.

'Don't tell me you didn't tell her!'

'I forgot' Evy answers quietly.

'What is going on guys?'

'Okay so' Alyssa moves a little closer to me, her voice low and quiet 'every friday there is a party, most patients attend, it's outside in the woods. There's beer, cigarettes and everyone from different floors.'

'It's so much fun' Evy says 'there's no rules, no therapists and no worries, you can talk to whoever you want.'

That strangly sounds fun. Maybe a year ago, I would've fallen of my chair out of excitement, but now things were different. The moment my mother passed away I had lost myself, and when River passed not even a year ago, I lost me forever.

Only I didn't expect it. As weird as it sounds, the people here seemed so, full. I would never have guessed that they had weekly parties, snucking out of their rooms. Doing normal teenage stuff.

'You have to go tonight' Alyssa says, taking another sip of her coffee.

'I don't really do parties' I try to explain 'I haven't been to one in a long time.'

'Well this is the perfect opportunity to change that!'

'Unfortunately for you, you cannot say no to us' Evy says while smiling. Alyssa laughs.

I'm about to speak again, but when I part my lips, I hear a door clicking behind me. Everyone looks up, I turn my head as well. The door for the patients of the 12th floor opens, a figure enters.

My words get stuck in my throat when I see him. He wore a grey hoodie, his messy hair hiding in the cap of his hoodie. He looked unbothered, not caring about the fact that every single person in the room was looking at him. He sat down around an empty table, in the fruther corner.

He looked up from the table as if remembering something, and then our eyes met. Because he was sitting so far, I couldn't tell where he was looking exactly, but our eyes met.

I looked away immediately, feeling my cheecks heat up.

'He actually came today' Evy whispers 'wow.'

'He is so hot' Alyssa sighs 'what a shame he's a psycho.'

'Who is that ?' I ask quietly, not daring to tell them about the fact that I had an entire conversation with him, alone.

I haven't been on the roof since monday evening. It had been five days since I had seen him. I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about him in that period.

'That' Alyssa lowers her voice 'is Hayden Asher' the name rolls of her tongue smoothly 'the hottest and most dangerous guy in this entire building.'

•

The rest of my breakfast I did not finish, we quickly left to attend class. I didn't dare to look behind me any more, ignoring the desire to look at him again.

'That will be all for today.'

I finish my notes, moving my pen over my notebook to write the last sentence.

Most students stand up, smiling and laughing. It was weekend but I knew that there was another reason behind their happiness.

The party.

I didn't now how to feel about it. The last party I attended was with River. I remember it very well, it was back when he was lying to me. He was working for my dad, but really he wanted revenge on him because he thought my dad was the reason that his dad was so abusing and violent.

That night, my dad had asked him to accompany me to the party, as he didn't want me to go alone. Only if he knew that after that party, I had my first kiss, against the front door of my own house. The memory made me smile now.

It fel so real in the moment, so longlasting and now I realise that that was almost year ago.

'Angel' I turn around, still filling my backpack with my books.

Evy stood in the door frame, smiling at me. She just finished her last class as well. I quickly took my backpack and left the classroom with the other students.

'Let's go eat' she says while grabbing my hand, we make our way through the hallway 'i'm starving.'

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