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his feet walked. without the knowledge of his barely functioning brain to guide him. even the dim streetlights couldn't help him understand where to go.
his feet quickened. even though his sense didn't want to tell him why, his hear began pounding and he had a sudden bad feeling as he sped along the empty lanes.
nothing was going well.
it had been a while since he had felt despair, and he virtually never felt this much of it. the sheer mass of this depressing feeling caused his feet to slow again and he panted out.
the light refracting upon the rain slick pavement pained his eyes, but the darkness hurt even more.
so he suffered like that, blinking for various periods of time as he stumbled further into the growing night.
the company would try to look for him sooner or later. or maybe they wouldn't, maybe they had truly given up on him this time. maybe there'd be articles about that too, about how he lost his career to surmounting rumours.
how he lost everything he had worked for in his life. maybe even how he had lost his life if everything continued in this downhill trend.
they were all just maybes though.
jeno coughed harshly to stop his chest from tightening. his lungs were filling up with his sorrows and no matter how hard he tried to cough them up, everything just continued to wedge itself further within him.
"stop feeling sorry for yourself, you bitch."
he told himself in his head. idols went through this all the time; it was a regular phase of growing. there will always be people that hate you, it's inevitable.
but was it fair that it felt like everyone hated him? over things that he didn't do? was that normal for everyone? is that how people were supposed to grow?
the boy no longer cared where he was - he stopped and curled into a ball, holding his head between his knees. tears fell from his eyes silently and he waited for them to roll from his cheeks and appear in view as mini puddles on the ground.
finally a voice, one that wasn't in his head. "hey, angel, are you okay?"
"maybe..."
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☎
hey jeno !! you're not a bitch, and you're allowed to feel sad when you're going through something. you're allowed to cry, and scream, and you're allowed to acknowledge that you're going through a difficult time. because that isn't self pity, its self care. ihope u guys understand that too
