Fishnets and Trash Bag Skirts

Hungry Hungry Models

Does anyone actually listen to the lyrics of that song, because it's actually kind of dark. I don't wanna be the only one cursed with that knowledge.

I woke up Lana by sitting on her head. "Lana, you wake. Snoo hungry."

"Make yourself some food, asshat."

"It's woman who make food. Snoo fart on Lana face if no make food."

"The only woman who's making you food is your mother. Get your thicc, juicy, voluptuous ass off of me."

"Nein. The Snoo's ass is perfect."

"Yeah, but I like air."

Reluctantly, I moved. "Fine, Snoo spare Lana. But next time Snoo not so kind."

"I almost asked why there would be a next time, but then I remembered who I'm talking to. What kind of food do you have? I'm hungry too."

"I have cereal from small town in Switzerland. It killed many people and the government took it away, but Snoo kept some."

"Great," she drawled sarcastically. "I've always said I wanted to die by toxic cereal."

"Today is lucky day, yes? We eat, and if you live you meet friends."

She got the cereal from my pantry and poured a bowl for the both of us. "A guy like you has friends?"

"Well, no. We hate each other. I once try to kill them, but then Van Gough slept with my wife."

"How did that stop you from killing them?"

"A man does not kill his wife's lover. He embraces him, then kills his children."

"I don't know where I expected that to go, but that was not it. Bon appétit. Here's to inevitable death," Lana said, eating a spoonful of cereal.

"Bah, you'll be fine. Snoo eats cereal everyday, and look at me now. Snoo is fine."

She spit out her cereal and poured it down the sink. "Hard pass. You only proved my point. Do you have any edible food?"

"I have penis," I responded. I pulled it out and waved it around.

"No thanks. I like my dick crunchy. I fry it up and eat it with a side of testicles."

"Yummy. I must try that one day."

Lana laughed heartily. "You crack me up."

I smiled at her briefly before realizing what I was doing. "Tell me about you," I said, desperately trying to distract myself.

"I was a model back in the day. The agency cut me off because I was too thin. Anorexia is a bitch."

"You were hungry hungry model, yes?"

"I guess you could say that. What's it to you?"

"That's the name of my song."

"Cool, I guess. A little dark, but I dig it. Tell me about your friends."

"Well, our singer, Mongo Fink, has no face. Van Gough is basically living mummy. Balducci, Z, and Captain Underpants are most normal among us."

"Sounds like a real interesting friend group," Lana said as she finished off the last of her cereal. "and where did you say you guys are from?"

"Germany, Switzerland, even I don't know anymore. Ask Van Gough when you see him. He's smart and sexy one. Snoo think Lana will like him."

"A normal person? Attracted to a walking mummy? I don't think so, but I guess we'll find out when I meet him."

"He's got great ass like Snoo, but... more... flat, you know," I said, miming the shape of his butt in the air.

Lana snickered. "You she see how stupid you look right now."

"Snoo never looks stupid. Always sexy. Women love Snoo."

"Whatever you say, Hasselhoff. Call up this gang of yours. I can't wait any longer."

"Oh, they're here. Let's go."

Lana and I walked out to meet Van Gough and Fink.

"Where's everyone else," asked Lana.

"In secret location. Government is searching for them," answered Fink. "I'm Mongo Fink. Or Wilhelm. It's been many years since we first emerged; I don't know anymore."

The mummy man stepped up and shook Lana's hand. "And I, lovely lady," he said, placing a kiss on her hand, "am Van Gough. I'm sure you've heard much about me from my biggest fan." Van Gough slapped me on the back heartily and laughed.

"Yes I have. Turn around and let me see your ass."

"How forward of such pretty lady."

"Let. Me. See. Your. Ass."

Van Gough turned around and Lana checked out his ass. "Alright, not bad. Mama likey."

"Shall we sex now? I tell Fink and Snoo to fuck off."

"Do the bandages stay on during sex?"

"Yes. You don't wanna see what's under there."

"Is is Mike D-"

Van Gough quickly silenced her. "NO! Don't say name. Those Green Day fuckers sue every time we mention name."

Billie Joe Armstrong popped out of nowhere. "That'll be 1 million, you freaks. I'll have your asses deported if I don't get the money within the week."

"Oh, come on! He only say band name," I pleaded. "And we're broke."

"We've got an expensive name, and I don't give a damn. A million dollars by the end of the week.". Billie was gone just as quickly as he arrived.

Lana stood agape. "What an asshole! I thought he was a nice guy!"

"No. Those guys pay off media to make them look good," Fink stated. "They're awful."

"And even worse, they think they're more sexy than us! That tiny ass wannabe lead singer is nowhere as sexy as Fink," exclaimed Van Gough.

Lana cringed. "Fink literally has no face. How is that sexy? I mean, unless you're a necrophiliac or something."

"Sexy bones, my good lady. Women love him," I retorted.

"You three boys are weird as absolute shit."

"Yes, that is true," the three of us said in unison.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna do normal shit. It was nice meeting you Van Gough and Fink," Lana said as she walked away.

"Bye! I bring child bones from the children I stole and ate next time I see you," Fink called after her.

I ran to meet Lana. "He kids," I said with a nervous chuckle.

"Mmhm, I bet," Lana replied skeptically.

"Fine. He's not kidding."