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Chapter 25: Seek and you will find

2nd March 2021

"There should be no envy (hasad) except between two people, a man to whom Allaah has given (knowledge of) the Qur'aan, so he recites it night and day, and a man to whom Allaah has given wealth, so he spends it (in good deeds) night and day." 

(Narrated by Muslim, 815)

Chapter 25:

Seek and you will find

In sync with the Imam, Ahmed turned his head to the left as he said his salam for the Fajr prayer that he was offering in congregation, a daily routine he remembered abiding by right from his teenage years. He listened carefully to the short sermon that followed after the salah, and then went on to recite his morning adhkar. The rows in the Masjid were always few when it came to the morning prayer, and as the people started scattering, Ahmed remained seated where he was, raising his hands in supplication.

As his heart poured its miseries in front of its Rabb, his lips didn't know how to word his dua.

For the infinite time, the last meeting at Zaika flashed before his eyes, and he recalled the silent heartbreak he endured when he realized Rufaida was getting married. It just wasn't a declaration of her marriage, but it was also the proclamation of the fact that the girl his heart had begun to recognize as home considered him as a stranger.

The girl for whom his feelings had betrayed him held absolutely no emotions for him.

The girl he had fallen for chose to fall for someone else.

The girl with whom he wanted to have a future had no space for him in her life.

'Ya Allah,' Ahmed prayed. 'Give my heart peace.'

It wasn't Rufaida's fault that she couldn't reciprocate Ahmed's feelings, but as much as he tried accepting the truth, it felt like swallowing down venom, a hard pill that regurgitated out after every trial. While Ahmed was still mapping out how to bring up this matter at home and reach a successful end, it turned out that Rufaida too was busy making arrangements, but both their plans didn't match. While his plans revolved around a wedding with her, she also was preparing a wedding, but with another man. His heart jerked at the thought and suddenly the air around him became difficult to inhale. Whoever the guy was, he sure was blessed, he thought.

Ahmed blinked his eyes rapidly at the moisture that collected in them, not allowing the tears to roll down in proof of his agony. His feelings had shocked his self with how strong they were, those that had surfaced after realizing he couldn't marry the one girl he wanted to. Ahmed wished he'd been quicker with his proposal, that he'd don the hero's cape and do what he could while he still had time, how he wished he hadn't been so slow in action and while there were a lot of what-ifs revolving around his mind, the truth was this was the will of Allah, and that's all that it came down to.

That just because his heart had yearned for love, it wasn't necessary for him to get it. This was dunya after all, you didn't get your dreams delivered to you at the doorstep in pretty wrapping and a bow. You had to toil and work, pray and shatter, drown and hope, and eventually, you'd reach your destination. It was at that moment he realized that dreams were not for the weak-hearted, definitely not the impatient ones.

Rufaida was rare, of that he was certain and it made him wonder if he could ever find someone like her. He was sure he couldn't and while he almost wished this wedding could somehow get canceled so he could get a chance with her once again, he refused to pray for it. Ahmed was not the kind to force someone to be with him, he would definitely not wish for Rufaida to go through heartbreak just so he could mend his own.