What Anxiety Feels Like (DNF/ Dream not found angst)

Keep My Composure

Around a week had passed since the incident. At least that's what George called it. Yet again, he shut out just how serious it was. He did not want to face the truth.

Since then he hadn't had another attack. He still had moments where he would panic or his heart would race but not nearly as bad.

Honestly he just hoped it was a one time thing. Deep down he knew that wasn't true but he would ignore it for as long as he could.

Today he was on stream again. It was the first time he had for a few days so everyone was very excited. He read his donos and, as usual, talked to sapnap and Dream.

"hmm this one says where is your dream hoodie" George laughed at that but got up from his chair "Give me a second"

There was a few moments of silence besides some slight bustling. Dream has stopped what he was doing and was watching Georges stream intensely waiting for him to return.

When he did he was wearing the gigantic dream hoodie that he had gotten a while back "it is right here. very comfortable. Too bad I had to buy it."

Dream stayed quiet for a few seconds. He was watching George show his hoodie to his stream and he couldn't help but think quite explicitly 'fuck hes cute'

"oh am I Dream?!" George's face was bright red but he continued to show his hoodie to hide some embarrassment.

"did I... did I say that out loud??" Dream's eyes widened. He did not mean to say that out loud hell he didn't even mean to think that.

Sapnap broke into loud laughter with George who was laughing to cover up his red checks. "yes you did but I already know how good I look"

"Oh my- OH MY GOD DREAM. you think- you think he looks cute! And you didn't even mean to say it out loud" sapnap could barely form words through his loud laughing.

Dream laughed along to cover his embarrassment "whatever I think you look nice George and actually-"

Dream fell silent for a few seconds while he typed on his computer.

"what are you doing Dream?? Hello can you hear me!!" George and Sapnap both had calmed down from their laughing fit and were waiting to see what Dream was doing. After a few more seconds George got an email.

"Dream.. DREAM YOU DID NOT!" Dream started to hysterically laugh while sapnap sat confused.

"what? what did he do??"

"HE GOT ME EVERY SINGLE THING ON HIS WEBSITE I- DREAM! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT???" George stared at disbelief at the order summer that he had sent him. Dream was still laughing and so was sapnap

"wear it all the time of course!" Dream was a dark shade of red and never has been more thankful people couldn't see him.

"THIS IS LIKE A WHOLE WARDROBE!"

"perfect so you'll never have to wear anything else"

"I cannot believe you- All Because you think I look nice in this. I am never wearing them"

"pleaseeeeeee George"

"absolute not. I am not giving you all of that free promo"

"you don't need to wear it when you stream!"

"Then when would I even wear it"

"i don't know whenever you are stressed or angry or something. My smile can calm you down"

The stream fell silent. George sat down staring at the screen almost shocked. When he was stressed... That rang through his ears.

Little did Dream know just how much that meant to him. A soft smile grew on his lips as he looked back at everything that he sent him.

They all sat quietly waiting for George to say something. Dream watched his face cam closely and the way he stared silently at the order.

Contrary to what everyone would have thought, George broke the silence with a simple "thank you Dream"

"I- uhh you are welcome??" Dream said in disbelief. He expected way more arguing over it.

"SOOOO back to the game" George redirected their attention to what they were actually doing. They went along with it but both of them were confused on what had just happened. The chat stayed on the topic for a while but eventually moved on as well.

Eventually the stream ended and George said bye to Dream and Sapnap. He got up and went to his kitchen for a cup of tea.

He sat on his counter and swirled around his tea mostly zoning out. His mind was on the merch order. He pulled out his phone to look at it again.

It was in fact everything on his website. Looking at the sizes, he realized that Dream ordered him everything super over sized. He softly laughed at that because Dream knew how much he loved over sized clothes.

Though he has been alright for the past few days, he couldn't help but constantly think about his last panic attack. It looms on his mind constantly.

He couldn't believe that it had happened. He was pushing it off for so long. Genuinely, he doesn't know what to do. He's too scared to ask for help but also scared to go through it alone again.

Throughout all his struggling, he's always done it alone. No one was ever there for him and he doesn't expect anyone to start but-

Dream

He knows that Dream would care if he told him but he was too scared to. He also didn't want to burden him with it.

His mother was an amazing mom but he knows that she pushed away his problems acting as if medication solved everything. She was never there for one of his panic attacks. But it wasn't her fault, George knew she couldn't handle the burden.

So, thinking of the stuff Dream sent him, that's the closest hes ever been to someone truly wanting to comfort him. Even though Dream didn't even know he was doing it.

And his voice memo. Someone had actually brought him down from a panic attack. And again he didn't even know!

Image what he could do if he did know- no no. he couldn't even consider it. Honestly, he was scared that Dream wouldn't understand and not want to deal with him. He couldn't lose him.

George left his kitchen and stared at his ceiling in his silent bedroom. He laid motionless, on his bed this time at least.

He didn't know much. He didn't know how to make himself better or how to get help.

All he did know was that he would never tell Dream. He simply couldn't.

Too bad nothing ever goes as planned for George.

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