Sunflower Reviews

Rowan - Shattered Crowns

Review: Shattered Crowns

Reviewer: Rowan (RowanCarver)

Client: Eliza-lou

🌻

➳ Showcase (Title/Cover/Blurb) 4/ 5

I do really love your cover. There's nothing for me to complain about here.

Jane Forester's life crumbles when a cataclysmic attack leaves thousands dead, and her Northern Region without an Alpha. With her region's safety in the balance, she sets off to avenge the home she holds dear. But, as dark secrets begin to unfold, Jane realizes that the answers she's looking for, could come at a cost...

The Crown of the Alpha is not just a responsibility, it's a target.

One that could get her killed.

A good blurb "starts with a hook, introduces your protagonist, and explains what they want and what conflict is standing in their way. It hints at the stakes in the final battle. And it should aim to be 150-300 words."

Your blurb does a great job of introducing your protagonist and tells me what she wants. It raises the stakes and addresses the inciting event. I feel as if the ellipses at the end of "could come at a cost..." is not necessary.

You could redo it so that it starts with your hook, however, I think placing it at the end there is fine though. It's quite gripping "the Crown of the Alpha is not just a responsibility, it's a target..."

It's focused on the protagonist and the main conflict and it contains the hook. It's in excellent shape. If you want to restructure it to follow those guidelines you can, but it's not necessary, I just wanted to share that with you for future consideration.

Source: Outlining Your Novel by KM Weiland

➳ Premise and Hook 5/ 10

I do not like werewolf novels but I did enjoy this one.

A young girl lives with her parents and trains as a young werewolf shifter. Her father is elected Alpha of the pack. His inauguration is sabotaged in a horrific way by enemy wolves, namely, a gray one, and the story continues from there (what is currently uploaded only goes through the inciting event).

We have a prologue and a first chapter. That means we should have two separate hooks.

Prologues exist to give a perspective that cannot be given by the main characters starting in the first chapter. That's why it should have a separate hook that concerns a bigger, "umbrella plot."

As exciting as that prologue was, there wasn't really a hook to be found. The same could be said for the first chapter.

This is something I would consider adding when you return to edit these opening chapters. However, it is not necessary right now. A lot of authors (including me) either write "stand in hooks" for the meantime or skip the hooks altogether until the draft of the manuscript is completed, because sometimes it takes that long to figure out the full scope of your themes and character development (especially if you're a bit of a pantser), and it takes getting to the end to properly craft the kind of hook you need for your story. Sometimes you need to complete the "big picture" first so that when you do go back and add your hook to the opening chapters, it properly foreshadows your thematic elements that hit later on in the story, and even addresses your protagonist's arc.

A hook does two things

It causes the reader to ask a question that they wish to know more about