HammerFLIX

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   For a moment, there was silence. 

   And then I said... "why is everyone so silent?"

   In the next second, I had a thousand weapons pointed at me. The hundred doors of the feast hall opened and countless warriors came rushing in. They all were fully armoured and looked blood thirsty. 

   The einherjar that were eating before looked to be around in their twenties or thirties while the ones that came from the doors looked older. I spotted some really angry grandpas and grandmas. The very sight cause me to shudder. 

   I sighed in irritation before speaking "Why is it so hard to understand that I just want to speak?!" I exclaimed. No one responded and I groaned in frustration. Odin was still looking at me with a stoic expression, his gaze not leaving my face. 

   I was pretty sure he didn't even blink.

   I looked at the legion in annoyance. With a flick of my hand, chaos followed...and I mean the state of existence, not the person.

   Hellfire erupted on the floor near my feet and expanded outwards. It was like a ring that kept getting bigger and bigger, killing everyone that got close to its edges. I willed the fire to not harm Hunding or Odin... and a few other friends.

   The ring of wire expanded and kept burning warriors till the entire army was nothing but ashes. The only ones left were Odin, Hunding, Me and Magnus with his girlfriend/boyfriend Alex.

   "Four hundred thirty two thousand einherjar" said my dear friend Magnus walking towards me in a daze "all ashes within a minute"

   "Why thank you" I said cheerfully "though I feel I wasted a bit of time on one particularly fat guy" 

   Magnus couldn't seem to figure if I was joking or just plain stupid. If I hadn't know better, I would have picked the latter option myself. 

   I turned towards Odin and gave him my most appealing smile "We need to talk" I said. I walked towards him but was very rudely interrupted by two flashes of light. More company...yay.

   When the light cleared, out stepped two men who I assumed to be gods. One had golden teeth and blonde hair. He had alabaster coloured irises. He had some kind of horn strapped across his side. The weirdest part was the selfie stick which also happened to be a sword.

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   The next guy had red hair that reached his shoulders and a curly red beard. His physique was huge and his hands were nothing less. He was the kind of guy you tried to avoid in class but couldn't. He held a hammer in his hand and kept staring at it.

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   "What is it Heimdall? The new season of the Good Wives just came out! What's this emergency you saw?" Asked the buff dude, not taking his eyes off of his hammer. [[{ Is that a real show? I'm not sure... it just popped in my mind. I think I've heard that somewhere...the 'good place' maybe? }]]

    It's not like he was watching NETFLIX on his hammer right?

   "Thor" said the guy Heimdall in an annoyed tone "Look ahead will ya?." Thor groaned and finally averted his gaze from his beloved hammer. He looked around for a bit before going back to intently gazing at his hammer like nothing was wrong.

   Then it looked like the reality of the situation struck him. He looked up again and rescanned the surroundings. He might not have very good eyesight from staring at his hammer all day, but mountains of ashes from dead einherjar are very hard to miss.

   "Hey!" He said like a small child "Someone call hotel services! It's so dusty everywhere." 

   At this point, I facepalmed. And so did probably everybody reading this. Heimdall groaned and looked ready to hit Thor on the head. From behind him I heard Odin grumble something about incompetent children, which I could only hear due to my enhanced senses. I couldn't help but laugh at that.

   "Who's the tiny guy?" Asked thor. "Hey! I'm not tiny" I protested. I decided that if I let Thor guess what happened here, then we all would stay here for the next century or so. 

   "Let me dumb it down for you thor" I said rubbing my forehead "I killed the entire einherjar army. I want to speak with Odin and you are in my way" 

   "Ohhh ok cool" Thor said. He kept nodding his head, still unaware of what I said meant. I waited for him to process it completely. After a few seconds he looked up suddenly "heyyy..." he said.

   "Finally, there it is!" I said throwing up my hands tin relief. 

   "How did the tiny dude defeat the entire army of Valhalla. More importantly...you're not the boss of me!" Said thor as he pointed his hammer at me threateningly. I groaned and looked at Heimdall, who seemed busy clicking selfies of himself in different angles.

   Are all gods like this? Or only the ones I meet?

   I knew fighting two gods wouldn't be as easy as a taking down mortal-become-immortal soldiers. I also didn't have time to waste with the silly shenanigans of these gods. I pressed my palms together and raised my hands towards them, like how a swimmer does before jumping in the water.

   I opened my palms, like I was swimming through water, and an unknown force field pushed the two gods away, each to the opposite sides of the hall. I approached Odin, who was still in a state of deep observation. I guess no one really sneaked up to him in the past few centuries. Once we're were a talk-able  distance, I created a barrier of energy that also served the purpose of being soundproof.

   I summoned a chair and sat. I looked around with an innocent expression before looking at Odin and speaking in a quirky tone.

              "Nice place you've got here"



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