fences - aot/eren jaeger

chapter 17: using you

My hand reached into the cooler, but somebody grabbed my hand before I could even process it.

"What's it with you and the spirits? I told you they taste like horsepiss."

I knew who it was and immediately pulled my hand back. Our faces were inches away from one another. "Eren."

He looked the same. Apart from the new lovebites on his collar bone. Yeah, he looked the same.

God, I wonder how I looked in front of him.

I watched as he picked up the drink I dropped, and I quickly stepped away from him.

As I grabbed my coat, I started with something that was on my drunk mind. "Hey, why did you break up me and..."

There was a pause. What was the name?

"You don't even know the guy's name, do you?"

I shook my head, which caused him to smirk. It irritated me. "Why are you smiling? I was having fun! I was experiencing, wasn't I? And you ruined it! And you probably blew our cover," I said.

Eren straightened his posture and looked down at me. "There's having fun and being reckless. You were in a situation that could have compromised the entire thing."

"But I could have handled it!" I interjected, facing away from him still. "You could have told me who to avoid too. I mean, who said you were in charge of me and permitted you to deal with me?" I challenged. I didn't even know what I was saying at this point.

All I knew was that I was angry at him for disrupting my peace.

Yet again.

"The minute you agreed to be a part of my mission," he countered. "Don't drag me into your crap, and it won't happen again. Why are you so angry? You're just as bad as me, Emilia. Whether you like it or not, you used those people just to feel something, right?"

How dare he call me selfish! I was annoyed for so many reasons. I was angry because Eren embarrassed me in front of new people.

I was irritated because he stopped me before I wanted to stop myself.

A sober thought popped into my head.

He stopped you from spiralling, Emi. Whether for selfish reasons or not. He stopped you from destroying more of yourself.

That angered me more. Who gave Eren the right to save me? From me.

The more I thought about it - the more pissed I got at how a character like him stopped me.

I don't know why it angered me as much as now.

It's the drink, dummy.

"At least I want to feel something. That's ironic coming from you who's entire mission depends on dragging innocent people into something they're not even aware of, and you're not complaining, are you?" I argued, looking at the lovebites.

He noticed what I was pointing at, which caused him to conceal them.

"Emilia, don't," he said sternly. "I don't know what you're trying to achieve or what has gotten into you. "

"Aren't you scared of not feeling anything!? I mean how could you not. You didn't seem to care when I was clearly enjoying myself. Why couldn't you just let me stay there for a bit longer!? I don't need help nor fixing! I can do it on my own!" I shouted. "I don't need people helping me. Including you. God, you're just as bad as Eldia."

That's when the penny dropped.

I looked over to Sasha. There she was, sitting on the ground and looking at the sky.