𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐭

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞

My birthday consisted of Tarver plucking a candle into a muffin he bought at the gas station. We spend the day together at the mall and it was easier than I thought to ignore the grey clouds which are hanging over me dangerously ready to collide into loud thunder at any second.

Dawson stayed away from Timothée most of the time and I can't even be angry with him he's the over protective brother. Timmy was confused in the beginning but shrugged it off and talks to Tarver who was over the top friendly which made me pretty suspicious of him hearing Dawson's and I's conversation the other night.

I stopped thinking about it and let Tarver just do his thing it doesn't matter because whatever is happening between Timothée and me it's going to be over soon. Which is why I enjoy his company, the intense looks and little touches we share secretly.

We won two rounds and it was the best birthday gift I could get. We decided to hit a club afterwards celebrating that we made it to the finals and that's how I ended up at the counter watching Lola and Kyle make out on the dance floor while they dance. Gross. But cute.

"You wanna get out of here?" A voice whispers into my ear and I grin while I turn to look at Timothée.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I say even though the smile on my lips contradicts me. My eyes search for my brothers in the crowd but I can't find them which means I could sneak out with nobody noticing.

"Maybe that's exactly why we should do it." A wolffish grin sits on his lips and I sigh when he intertwines our hands slowly. His hand is warm and reassuring and I know I can't win this fight. Not anymore. I knew I was going to fall the second I kissed him in that lake now it's just a question of when this is all going to come crumbling down on me.

He see's the answer in my eyes and tugs at my hand making me smile as we rush out of the club.
I have no clue where he's taking me but this is the last night before the finale and I wanna spend it in joy and happiness before I get back home and the reality comes back crashing down on me.

Once outside we start to walk down the street my hand still clasped in his until he gets out his Walkman offering me an earphone.

I put it in and the familiar lyrics of wonder wall starts to play in my ear.
Timothée walks with me towards the next bus station and when we get inside he leans against the wall his arms around me so I won't fall by all the bumps in the road.

We stay quiet listening to the lyrics but it feels like we're saying so much at this moment.
A few stops later he guides me towards a small hill that lays at the side of the road.

We sit down beside each other the star filled sky watching over us beautifully.

"If I'd ask you to leave with me after you finished school would you do it?" He speaks up surprising me completely.

I turn my head to him to see him looking out onto the field his knees hugged to his chest just like mine.

"Where would you want to go?"

"I don't know anywhere. As long as you'd be with me it would be alright." His words make me swallow loudly.
I grab his hand in mine to have some sort of steadiness.

"I know what you're going to do but please don't." He asks me and I look surprised up at him to see his are already trained on my face.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I whisper lightly even though I know.
I can see it written on his face.
But I can't help myself but listen to Dawson he's older and probably right.

After this trip everything will be over and I'll go to college preferably not his so I'm never going to see him again.

"This doesn't need to be over when we get back home Arwen and you know it. You just have to be brave enough to jump into the cold water. I'll be right by your side."

"I know you are but.." but if you'd choose between jumping into cold water or taking a hot relaxing bath no one would take the cold water.

He slides closer to me his knee knocking against mine while his hand raises touching my cheek softly.

"There's no buts. Just jump in with me." He whispers lightly and his eyes shine so brightly in the dark that I let myself be lured in like a moth is by the light.

He presses his lips softly against mine and I sigh because this feels just so right.
Maybe I should be brave.
I should try to work through this I know it's making me egoistic but sometimes I want to be like that.

My sister never has a problem with being egoistic and I shouldn't either. I wish mom would be here and tell me what I should do.
She always knows what's the right thing to do and I trust her.

"I'll talk with Jenna if you want to. She's going to understand you don't have to be afraid."

"This is Jenna we're talking about." I whisper with a small smile on my face.
I lean my forehead against his because I can't seem to keep my distance.

"I know but I'll make it work for us. If you let me to. It's your choice it lays in your hands but just know that I want this, that I want you. And you should know that I l-" I don't let him finish his sentence and press my lips against his.

I can't bear him speaking out the words. It makes it even more serious and real and tonight I don't wanna think about this.

"Can we just enjoy tonight? For once I just don't want to think about the future and just sit here with you." I say after I part our lips.

I see the sad look in his eyes but he nods anyways.

"Just promise me you'll think about it."

"Promise." I say while he puts his arm around me and we stare out on the field together.

The lie burns in my throat because I know I'm not going to think about it. I made up my mind and nothing is going to change that.
Nothing.