♡ Dark Paradise ♡ ; newtmas fanfic.

l o s s

{A/N: I had to re-upload this part in the story since the chapters got mixed up. Sorry.
Warning: Offensive/Strong language ahead that in no way expresses my personal opinions.}

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Brenda and I went into one of the secret cabins that Paul had shown me a few days ago. They were old, hidden behind the field, deep in the woods. It was almost hard for me to find it since it was hidden so well.
I explained to Brenda about finding my dad, and my experience when I arrived here. She told me her story, too. About how she died.
"Starvation," she told me. "One of the worst ways to go."
-

"Thomas, I missed you so much." Brenda says, leaning her head against my shoulder, making me feel awkward. Brenda doesn't know about Newt and I. All she knows is that little fling that her and I had going on. It was nothing, really. I never felt anything for her. Little did she know, even though she was constantly flirting with me, I had my eyes set on Newt the whole time.
"Did you?" Brenda asks, snapping me out of my daydream.
"Sorry?" I answer, "I, um, was just thinking. Didn't hear what you were saying."
Brenda chuckles, shaking her head. "Did you miss me, too?"
"Oh." My stomach drops. Did I? Did I really miss her? Of course I wondered how she was doing from time to time, but I never really longed to see her or anything.
But I'd never tell her that.
"Of course I missed you." I say,
She smiles at me, slowly inching closer. I can feel my heart racing. My body feels paralyzed. That's how I know I don't love her. Everytime she gets closer to me, or tries to flirt, I feel sick and dirty.
If that's what people say love feels like, I don't want it. Right now, I just keep thinking of Newt. His love. The feelings I get when he gets closer to me. That makes me feel . . right. Not dirty or sick. I wish he was here right now.
"Brenda," I breath quickly, trying to change the subject, "Why were you hitting everyone back on the field? And screaming?"
"I just . . I just freaked out. I didn't know where I was. I didn't that I had died. I mean, it's hard to tell when you're dead if you died from starvation. Everything feels like a hallucination."
Brenda moves even closer to me, leaving no space between the two of our bodies.
"Oh," I say, blushing. I hate being here. I hate being this close to her.
"Uh-huh," answers Brenda, tucking her hair behind her ear. "God, I forgot how cute you were."
"Um," I scoff, feeling even more awkward than before. "I don't thi-"
But she's already leaning in.
And she's pushing her lips against mine, tangling her boney fingers in my hair.
Her kiss is nothing compared to Newt's. Her lips are dry and hungry, but his are just the right amount of soft, innocent, aggresive, and sweet.
I push her away, and stand up, wiping my lips with my sleeve. Okay, I do admit, that last part was a little childish.
"What the hell?" Brenda shouts, eyebrows raised, offended.
"Brenda, I'm sorry, but . . I don't like you in that way."
Her gaze drops to the old, wooden floor and she's quiet now. "Oh, I . . I thought you did."
"There's nothing wrong with you, okay?" I say, resting my hand on her shoulder. "It's just that I'm already dating someone."
Her curious eyes flick up to look at me. "Who are you dating?"
"Um," I say, realizing I just set myself up, "Does that really matter?"
"Duh," Brenda snaps. "You just rejected me after I kissed you, Thomas. Telling me is the least you can do."
"Okay, okay . ." I sigh, "I - I'm dating Newt,"
Brenda's eyes widen, and her jaw drops. "Are you kidding?"
"I'm not kidding."
"You're actually dating Newt." Brenda says, shocked. "You're gay. Newt's gay. I thought you liked me that whole time. Wow. Okay."
"Brenda, I'm sorry!" I plead, "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I just can't beileve this!" She shouts, burying her face in her hands. "You knew I liked you. You're not oblivious, Thomas! All that time, all I did was flirt with you, and you never told me that you were gay!"
"Well, I wasn't exactly interested in dating while I was trying to save my life!" I shout back, angry. I shouldn't be the sorry one here.
"You are so damn disgusting." Brenda whispers fiercely, ready to leave. "Being gay is abnormal, Thomas. You had your chance with me, and you blew it. Now you're just confused."
"Don't shucking talk to me like that!" I scream, ready to attack her. I know that I'd never hit a girl. It's wrong.
But oh god, I really want to right now.
"I was born this way! I can't choose who I love, Brenda!"
"Does your dad know that you're a faggot?" She asks, amused.
"Never. Ever. Use. That. Word." I say, anger bubbling inside of me. I know she's just trying to get a reaction from me, and I will not give her the satisfaction.
"Well, does he? Does your daddy know?"
"No, Brenda," I say, my voice wavering, "he doesn't know."
A smirk spreads across her face. "Oh, but he will soon . ."