Sincerely, Sin

3

Alana

I stood silent, watching as he manoeuvred around my apartment, that's when he came across a framed picture of me and Rio when we went on a date to six flags. He slowly took the framed picture in his grasp, his face fallen sour as he glared at the picture.
In a split second, the picture was thrown into a wall, glass shattered to pieces. I jumped as I looked back and forth between Sincere and the mess on the floor.

Run

I took off, heading for my room, before I could close the door, Sincere pushed his way through.
"Leave me alone Sincere" I sobbed, backing away further into my room. His essence was so deadly but his eyes read pain.

"You really moving on without me Lana?" He stated, harshly grabbing my chin in his grasp. 
"What do you expect me to do Sincere. I can't wait for you forever to grow up and make wise decisions. I can't be that girl any longer Sin. I'm living my life the way I want and that's without you. I don't want you anymore"

Everything I spoke was the truth except for my last sentence. I did want Sincere, I'm in love with him for God's sake, no matter how much I try to convince myself, the feelings have and always will be there.

I caught a glimpse of his heart breaking in his eyes before he covered it back up. He tilted my chin up further, as he squinted, reading my eyes.
He don't believe you.
"Say that shit then. You'n want me? Aight. I wanna hear you tell me you don't love me right now. Talk your shit Lana" he was pissed.
He bit his cheek, a habit he did to inflict pain upon himself when he was heated.
I gulped.
Say it Alana, it's just words
Right....it's just words...just words.
It's just words that hold so much meaning behind them that I could not relate to.
I can't say it.

I bowed my head, ashamed. "I can't say it" I said lowly. He tilted my chin back upwards before placing a delicate kiss on my forehead.
"I know you can't" He stated.
It was silent before he spoke up again.
"You really let that nigga taste what's mine Lana. I'm sorry mama but I won't rest till he six feet under" he backed away from me. I looked at him confused, we just discussed this.
"Sincere Karim Jackson. If you touch him, I swear on everything I love, I will make it my personal duty to make sure you're behind those bars again but for life this time" I threatened. I was damn serious too.

He furrowed his eyebrows again, hurt.
"So it's like that huh? Damn you really did change on me ma? Where's this sudden hate for me coming from, what happened to the Alana I left behind—

"Exactly. What happened was you left me behind. You Sincere. This is all on you. I don't hate you because I wanted to. I hate you because you made me hate you" I said through hiccups, this was the truth. The night he got arrested, I was held hostage by the very people he was at war with. They held me for three days. When they realised Sin wasn't coming to get me, they let me go. Sin made sure his crew and Slim took care of it but he never really made sure I was taken care of. He never said the words sorry, he never even spoke directly towards me about the incident. He was far too concerned about running that gang life and making that money all while behind bars. Sincere did this himself, he made me view him like this.

"Oh so I made you hate a nigga? So that's why you still up in my shit? The shit I paid for. I fucked you on every wall in this apartment. On every floor, on every countertop. Even on the fucking patio. You hate me so much? Why stay in this bitch where you're constantly reminded of me. Why stay in this bitch knowing imma come here looking for you. Why not leave, change address? You independent now right? Pay for your shit. Don't sit here an act like you ain't some angel playing the Devil's game. Just admit it mama, you created enough space for me to linger while you kept enough substantial distance. You want me just as much as I want you. You don't hate me because I made you hate me, you hate me because you can't. You hate me because after all this shit you still in love with a nigga. You hate me because you can't get completely rid of me, out of your head and your heart. You not saying those words just proved my point..." His monologue was the truth and my harsh reality. He could see straight through me like a glass window. He was right, I still love him, and for that very reason, I hated him.

We both remained stagnant, staring at each other, not knowing what the next move was.
"Lana come here" he sighed. I walked up to him and he took me in his embrace, us both holding one another.

"We can't keep doing this Sin. You've been here not longer than an hour and I already feel drained. Being with you has me constantly emotionally exhausted. Rio is right for me. I can't be yours anymore" I lifted my wet face from his chest to look up at him. He didn't show any type of acknowledgment to my statement, instead he pressed his lips to my forehead before releasing me. He backed away and picked up his belongings in the hallway and left out my front door without a word.

Wtf.