Dreamland Review Archive

Never Died (T)

Never Died

NgoziGardenia

Initial Impression: (cover, title & blurb)

I like your cover! It's a unique colour and it displays the author's name and title beautifully. If it were out in the real world, I wouldn't change anything. But since this is Wattpad, I would recommend making the title a little thicker/bolder to make sure people can see it when it is displayed as a thumbnail. Other than that, it seems to relate to the story and capture attention!

Your title is also well done. It's short and snappy and I relate it to the story immediately after reading your blurb. The only problem is it is a little common. When I typed it into the search bar, thousands of stories came up. Of course, this is Wattpad and Wattpad is a scary and massive place, so having a similar title is bound to happen, but there is something to be said for having a completely original title. People are more likely to remember it. I don't think you should change your title based on this, but I do think that if you come across something in your book that would make a more unique title, you should change it to that instead.

So the blurb! I like how short it is, but I don't like how congested it is. I always recommend splitting a blurb up into separate paragraphs. This doesn't stress readers out as much and allows them to skip parts. If someone doesn't like your first sentence, instead of skipping to the next paragraph, they might just click off your book. I also like to recommend a nice, dramatic sentence to begin your blurb. While your current first sentence is good, it's a little much. I'd recommend switching the first two sentences, as well as splitting up the blurb into four or five different parts.

Below I've restructured your blurb, but I've kept the bones of what you wrote because I thought it was quite good already. Basically, there are a few things I did. For one, I moved Mazelina's name to the second sentence and paragraph, because I don't like using names right off the bat. I also took out some information I thought was unnecessary such as the fact that her husband is the village blacksmith. This isn't really needed in your blurb and it just gives more information than we need, which can overwhelm readers. I also fixed up a missing comma and a few sentences, as well as replace some commas with dashes to increase the drama.

The last thing I did with your blurb was put it in present tense. You wrote it in past tense (she woke in a desert) and I changed it to present tense (she wakes in a desert). I did this because- although I 100% prefer past tense in writing- present tense is more dramatic and exciting. When writing an entire book it can get a little too much, which is why I prefer past tense, but blurbs are usually written in present:

All she wanted was a normal life.

In a world of gods, vampires, mages, demons and magic, Mazelina's only dream was to have a healthy baby and a life full of love and happiness.

But everything changes when her husband is summoned to work for the Vampire, King Darius of Haven. Upon Ashton's return with the knights, a curse is placed upon the village. Chaos follows, resulting in multiple deaths- including Mazelina's.

But then she wakes in a desert, alive. Unknowingly soon to face a choice- one that could doom the world.

You can, of course, use this exact copy or you can edit what you don't like. Or you can keep your original blurb, but I'd recommend fixing the things I've mentioned above. I'd also recommend that you put your cover creds and editing disclaimer at the bottom, so it doesn't take up that teeny, little space that readers get to see before they decide your book is interesting enough to click on. Unless of course your cover maker requires it to be at the top.