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Getting out of bed (Y/n) gets ready and goes to school, to her surprise all seven of Bts are waiting for her at the school gate, as they walk through the school tensions are on the rise, as whispers spread around the school. After passing the morning with idle chatter they finally head to their first class which is maths.

All of them take their seats and Mr Brigsby comes in with his ever present pompous attitude, a familiar set of words leave his lips,"Good morning. Before I start today's lesson I have a new student to introduce. He will introduce himself and sit down, no one, and I repeat No One, will ask him any unnecessary questions. You teens can ask him anything as long as it's in your Own time. You may come in boy."

A towering figure that can barely fit through the frame squeezes into the class, crooked murky teeth, ragged tunic top with a tight leather vest over the top, his prominent belly is accentuated by a tight brown belt, two stubby antennas on either side of his head that replace his ears, and beautiful green skin that's the colour of pus.

(Y/n)s breath hitches, she's never seen a more beautiful man, this beautiful algae specimen speaks up not before slapping the old teachers ass so hard he's knocked out of the window. In a Scottish accent he shouts, "I'm shrek, this class is now my swamp!"

A week passes

(Y/n) has long since moved on from Bts and now loyally follows around shrek, they understand completely and accept that they just can't beat the guy. But as they get closer (Y/n) notices something strange, he's not normal, it's almost as if he's not human. Taking him out into the woods she goes to question him.

"You're impossible gross and strong." Her breathing hitches as she hears him coming closer from behind her.

"You're skin is mucus green and kinda slimy" he gets closer.

"You eat bugs for lunch, and sometimes you speak about that time you couldn't get a bunch of fairytale characters off of your property." (Y/n) rubs her arm and bites her lip.

"You talk to a donkey and you bathe in mud." Shrek is right behind her now.

"Do you have layers?" (Y/n) asks.

"Layers?" Shrek retorts

"You know like a cake?" (Y/n) replies.

"No, like a onion" he answers coolly.

(Y/n) chokes on her breath as she desperately tries to keep her composure.

Bravely she announces, "I know what you are"

Shrek so close she can feel his breath on her neck, "say it-" he dares her- "out loud... say it"

Shakily (Y/n) manages to force out the words, "vampire"

Shrek looks at (Y/n) like she's stupid, "NO You Dumb Bitch I'm an Ogre!"

(Y/n) laughs awkwardly, "oh my bad! I'm not interested then lol, you know I want me a hot vampire boyfriend"

Mad at the disrespect Shrek yeets (Y/n) up to the moon, where she dies.

The end

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April fools day!
Did I get you?
Did you think this was an actual post?
Huh? Huh? You silly goose! You're so silly.
:-)

I wrote this at like 5:00 in the morning, on no sleep, and you can tell lol.
I paired you up with the first character I thought of, and created this abomination.
I'm not sorry.

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