When Duty and Desire Meet

Ribbons Part 2

Adrien didn't know what to do.

Walking towards the Gaming Club, he felt completely separate from his body, as though he was in a horrible dream watching things happen he couldn't control. His arms swung loosely by his sides, his brain was in a fog.

It had been two days since he'd been released from the hospital. Two days since he'd finally, at long last, been able to reunite with Marinette, with his precious, wonderful girlfri-

Ah. That was an issue. Was she even his girlfriend anymore?

The note she'd left was resting in his satchel, in its own pocket. He must've read it a thousand times by now. Poured over every line, traced over every letter as each word sunk into his skin, rattled and shook his insides. Even so, he had the urge to look at it again, read it again, to search for some clue that told them they weren't over, that he hadn't ruined this for good.

He shook his head as he pushed open the doors, entering the complex of classrooms where the Gaming Club was hosted. This was silly. All the note had said was that Marinette was confused and hurt by his absence, how she needed space from him for a while. She'd said she wanted to talk eventually, but she was hurt.

Adrien placed a hand against his chest. Hurt. He'd hurt her by not showing up. Of course she'd gone to the natural conclusion that he was upset that she was allegedly dating someone else. The timings were ripe for a disaster of miscommunications and he had only himself to blame for not speaking out sooner.

When she wanted to see him again, he was going to tell her who he was. He'd already vowed to do so, but now his resolve had doubled. These secrets and half-truths had caused too much damage, too much doubt and fear. He needed her to understand. Hopefully, she would forgive him. But he'd keep silent for now. He'd respect her wishes. To barge into her space and reveal his identity, to demand his presence be acknowledged, was too emotionally manipulative. If he ignored her wishes, broke into her room and de-transformed, it would seem like he was trying to use his identity to his advantage, as a way to persuade her into staying with him.

No. They would clear up this horrid misunderstanding. Then and only then would he reveal his identity.

"What am I doing?" he whispered to himself at the top of the staircase, staring into the dimly-lit depths below. He shouldn't even be coming to the Gaming Club should he? Yes, Marinette's note had been directed at Chat Noir, but it wouldn't be respecting her wishes if he still spent time around her wouldn't it? Even as Adrien.

But the will to see her, to know she was alright, was unbearable. Her green ribbons were gone, the way she'd looked in the hospital, now the note... the fact that she'd mentioned Derek's threats. She must've been so worried about it all and he hadn't been there to soothe those fears. He had failed her as a partner. Just as he had once failed Ladybug.

The thought made the terrible clawing sensation in his chest deepen and Adrien was almost breathless with the pain of it.

He gripped the railing tight, swallowed thickly. This wasn't going to work, was it? How was he going to hold himself together in front of her? The moment he saw her, he knew he'd fall apart. Marinette had asked him to stay away so he needed to do exactly that. As both of his identities.

Releasing the railing, Adrien turned and got out his phone. Marinette would worry about him if he didn't show up. He was supposed to go for his mental health after all, that was the point of him joining the club in the first place. Not wanting to place any more stress on her than he already had, he began to type a message to the group chat apologising and offering an excuse for his absence.

As he walked out the door he bumped into someone in a hurry and his phone almost flew out of his hands.

"Woah! Sorry man!"